dfc

Dearest Minions,

Sometimes nocturnal winds rival wolves for midnight howls and sometimes tiny human farts can steel thunder from even the most venerated skunks.

The core issue at hand is: Are observations more powerful than imagination? Does a man just see a gorgeous woman or does he see limitless fertile verdant pastures of unattainable utopia?

Why do humans so obstinately erect walls between the mundane and the glorious? Do the dark shadows of reality enjoy the umbrage from the intensity of imagination? Or vice versa?

To impart such wisdom, please allow the one-eyed man to lead the blind. A cyclops amongst culinary kings, allow your fearless leader to guide a truly epic journey.

Most South Asian Americans came to the United States in the late 60's, 70's, and 80's. Back then the US was expanding economically and the nation needed skilled labor and academics. In general, economic expansion was driven by several factors.

1 - Decreasing federal interest rates: resulted in explosive mortgage underwriting, corporate financing, business mergers, and capital market expansion.

2 - Cold War defense spending: fueled scientific races for nuclear, communication, transportation, space and medical technology.

3 - Increasing population: resulted from immigration and gen x'ers after the War.

Because the United States was so hungry for skilled labor and scientific minds, it was a bit easier than normal for my dad, a nuclear physicist (switching to medical physics later), to gain entry to the United States.

In fact all of my dad's friends from India had advanced degrees in math or science. I can't tell you just how many times my dad would describe a colleague and say "poor guy, he 'just' has a masters degree." All of my childhood friends fathers' had had phD's in science.

In a nutshell, my dad and all of my dad's friends were brought to America to help dismantle the Soviet Union. Not directly, but indirectly through scientific innovation. The US government was so kind to my family - allowing me as a child to eat free lunch at school, giving my family food stamps while my dad completed his studies.

But it wasn't easy. We weren't granted US citizenship until 16 years of living and working in the US.

Because the US was growing and needed labor, the government was also generous with 'sponsorship' visas. That means if you were educated / lucky enough to gain a visa to the Unites States, you could sponsor a family member who wasn't as educated or as lucky.

That's how a lot of the Indian 'laborers' came to America. Not to be stereotypical, but think about taxi drivers in NYC. They came to the States via sponsorship visas. One of their family members was probably a doctor or a statistician or an engineer who 'sponsored' them.

Our family never sponsored any of our relatives to come to the United States. Life was hard enough for us in the States and we didn't want to start a civil war by playing favorites and choosing to sponsor one or two cousins lucky relatives amongst the 19 bazillion relatives I have in India. We also didn't have any money to pay for plane tickets, etc.

So this is all good, but how does this relate to food? Very fascinating.

First, I need to clarify something. When you or I refer to "Indian", it's really shorthand to refer to people from the Indian Subcontinent - Afghanistan, Pakistan, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Maldives and of course India.

Humans have lived in the Indian Subcontinent or "South Asia" for hundreds of thousands of years. Religion (Bhuddism, Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, Zoroastrianism) developed over a few thousand years.

National borders (you know, those idiotic straight lines visible only on maps), are literally just one generation old - not only in South Asia, but in many parts of the world.

Obviously, there are thousands of regional dialects, languages, religious sects, and cuisines in the Indian Subcontinent / South Asia. "India" is just an easy way to refer to that geography. I don't wish to walk the line of political correctness or pander to any nationality or religious group - I'm just trying to make things easy and simple.

Back to topic.

While the skilled labor who immigrated to the States were busy being doctors, scientists and engineers, their 'unskilled' brethren drove taxis and opened restaurants.

But let me be clear.

The skilled laborers who came here were 90% men. While they worked, their wives spent 3 hours cooking dinner every night - like my mom.

The unskilled laborer who came here were also men. But they worked with their wives to run family-run restaurants that generally did NOT serve Indian people. They served White people who appreciated Indian cuisine as 'exotic and rare' not as 'conventional and pedestrian'.

Most Indians were too cheap to eat out. And if they did, they didn't want to spend money on food that they could make at home. On top of that, restaurant Indian food was not always 'real' Indian food. This is not an indictment as much as a simple reality.

1 - Some of the loss in 'realness' is due to regulatory issues: Indians always eat curry with the bones still attached to the meat - whether it's fish, chicken, lamb or goat. For liability reasons, restaurants don't serve bone-in meat for fear of choking and lawsuits.

(On a related side note, one of our family friends made fish curry at home. She accidentally swallowed a fish bone which perforated her intestine - leading to inordinate pain and internal bleeding. After a lengthy surgical operation to remove the fish bone, she started making fish curry again with the bones in. That's how much Indians love bone-in curries. Btw, I eat bone-in fish curry all the time. It's terrible without the bones. I love sucking on the fish bones! One time I got fish bone stuck in my throat as a child. I started crying. My mother made me swallow a tightly packed ball of rice. That totally got rid of the problem, and rice ball went down my throat and took bone with it. But my absolute favorite is sucking on lamb or goat bone marrow - it's spicy and soft and juicy and nutritious. My parents were always kind enough to save this for me. When they ate their curries, they would always give me their marrows to suck on.)

I don't serve bone-in curries for this very reason at dfcurry.com.

2 - Some of the loss in 'realness' is due to industrial issues: Restaurants generally order from industrial suppliers. Sometimes it's hard to get the spices you need, or specialty meats (like goat), or specialty preparation (like Halal).

3 - Some of the loss in 'realness' is due to economic issues: Spices are expensive. dfcurry.com uses all 100% organic spices. There is not a single Indian restaurant in the entire universe that does the same thing. Call every Indian restaurant in San Francisco, New York and London and ask them. I insist.

I also soak all my chickpeas fresh - which takes time and energy. I never buy canned chickpeas.

Additionally, there are artificial flavor enhancers: Saffron is incredibly expensive. Many Indian restaurants use fake saffron and food coloring to make it look red. fake pistachio + green food coloring, fake mango powder, fake pomagranate syrup.

The absolute worst is prepackaged spices. Some Indian restaurants do this, some don't. Prepackaged spices mixes have tons of Maltodextrin, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Citric Acid, Sulphite, and Silicon Dioxide. Prepackaged spices allow the restaurant to quickly pour spices, instead of spending time and money to prepare their own blends.

Believe it or not, one time my mother tried to pull a fast one on me. She made goat curry with a prepackaged spice mix. I felt it immediately. I became bloated and had a terrible case of acid reflux. She never used them again.

Back to topic.

From the 1960's until the 1990's Indian restaurants proliferated across America.

During this time, White people learned what Indian food was and they liked it. Then some genius came along and said "why don't we make it easy for White people to buy Indian food at grocery stores?"

Hence the saga of prepackaged Indian food. In grocery stores:

1 - On the non-refrigerated shelves you have canned and bottled 'simmer sauces'.

Asking an Indian person whether not she/he likes them is like asking an Italian person whether not they like Chef-Boyardee. Indians will never buy those. Puke.

2 - In the hot bar, you have curries and rice (like at Whole Foods). Indians will generally avoid this because there is always 'something off'. Either it lacks flavor or intensity or one or two spices 'stick out'. I can almost always tell when someone who didn't grow up with Indian food makes it. Sometimes it's actually ok, but never great.

3 - In the frozen foods section, you have tv-dinners. Indians find this insulting. They don't like the idea of a little rice, a little curry, and lots of salt and oil on something that looks and tastes like airplane food. I can't tell you how many White people have told me they like Amy's curries. Eww... gross! Worse than Starbucks chai.

Essentially, all of the grocery store Indian food is for White people.

So now fast forward to the 2000's.

South Asian immigrants in the United States now have children now that have fully grown up here, aged 20-40. What do they do for food?

Excellent question.

When they want Indian food (which is at least 4x per week), they call mommy.

Indian Kid: "Mommy mommy - I went to Yale and I'm 28 years old, but I can't make chicken curry to save my ass. Can you help me?"

Mommy - nodding her head side to side: "Yes, beta [the hindi/urdu word for 'kid'], I will make curry, freeze it, and send it to you."

Mommy then makes curry, puts curry in a recycled ice cream jar and either ships or delivers curry to precious spoiled child's residence.

Child: "Mommy mommy, thank you."

Then the 28-year old child happily eats that frozen Indian food for weeks or months. And then child goes MIA until child needs food again.

Essentially, Indian Americans have adopted the typical 'young professional' mentality in the United States.

1 - They want quality food

2 - They don't want to cook or know how to cook or learn how to cook or buy the ingredients

3 - They want to eat at home, just like they watch movies at home, shop at home online, and hang out with their friends at home, online.

Think about it. If you finish work, do you want to spend 3 hours making curry?

Of all my hundreds of Indian Gen-X friends, I'm the only damn fool who cooks curries. No one will even bother to make a real cup of chai.

Where does this leave us now?

People learn by association. You group tennis with other individual sports, and football with other team sports. You group history with other humanities, and chemistry with other sciences.

People understand curries the wrong way, grouping curries with other warm foods. Not so.

Curries are ice cream. If you freeze them, they keep their integrity and last forever. (Even if you refrigerate curries, they last for 2 months without losing any integrity.)

While ice cream's base consists of cream and sugar, Curries' base consists of spices and vegetables - fried, baked, pulverized, whole, partially ground etc.

Like ice cream, there are an infinite number of palatable flavor combinations.

Before ice cream became industrialized 50 years ago, it was made locally with really just three flavors - Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry. Now there are hundreds of flavors.

My dear friends: Curry is the new Ice Cream. And the flavors now are: Lamb Curry, Chicken Tikka Masala, and Chickpea Curry.

In 10 years from now, there will be many more nutritious, delicious, and healthy flavors - all made by DFC. The over arching goal is to make food that:

1 - Feels good for your budget before you eat it

2 - Feels good for your taste buds while you eat it

3 - Feels good for your body after you eat it

I believe the best way to do this is through frozen curries and rices.

When I went to Harvard Business School, I joked that I wanted to make curries for Brown people, not White people. Some of the White people commented that they've 'never felt so left out, but so appreciated at the same time'! We all laughed hard, but they got it. It all made sense to everyone.

Peering out from the monolithic precipice of imagination, I don't see a gorgeous girl. I see infinity. I see a living, breathing, verdant pasture of endless joy. I'm the wind that makes the howling noises in your log cabins - scaring wolves, ghouls, and ghosts. I'm the dude whose tiny, raspy fart stealthily destroys entire neighborhoods.

In truth, my reality is often scared of my imagination. That which you read exemplifies this transmogrification.

Dear Minions, are you ready for complete World Domination?

Your fearless Curry King,

Arif Shaikh

dfcurry.com

DownEast magazine publishes! - Curry King!

Tonight my world got totally and spectacularly rocked when I experienced the most righteous chicken tikka masala and the most beastly vegan chickpea curry at the most bodacious restaurant DFCurry located at 421 Main Street in Rockland, Maine.

Not only is this food amazing (like I'm talking healing a broken heart amazing), Arif Shaikh provides a warm welcome to every person who came in. I felt like a friend who had finally arrived home after a long and meandering journey.

If you're anywhere near the Midcoast of Maine, do yourself a big favor and check out https://dfcurry.com/ online or just stop by 421 Main Street in Rockland on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday between 5 and 9:00 p.m.

Thank you, Arif Shaikh!

Dearest Minions,

At the tender young age of 27, I witnessed something for the very first time in my life: a naked woman. Some people might call me a late bloomer. But like sweet grapes, late blooms yield the sweetest wines. And the sweetest wines yield the most magnificent memories. And the most magnificent memories render complete hypnosis. In the next few lines, I share my glass with you.

In a wistful summer years ago, I met a woman with raspberry lips. She was a friend from college and we were going to dinner and the opera in the Big Apple. It wasn't really a date, but definitely a time to remember. I was ok with falafels and and movie, but she was one of those $400 high-heels-toting/Ivy-League girls who wanted complete domination in every nook and corner of her life, from academic accolades to published research papers. She also wanted a real-life pony with a heart-shaped birthmark.

I might be your fearless leader and the future governor of Maine, but when it comes to girls, I cave in. You see: normally, I'm a Tibetan Mastiff - trampling the vast plains of earth looking to subjugate wild deer with bone-crushing molars and piss on every tree stump in the vastness of the tundra. But when I'm with a beautiful girl, I simply collapse. I turn into a little Dachshund, trapped in a rich bitch's $5,000 Gucci handbag with my little wiener caught in the 18k gold zipper. I'm weak and helpless, often whimpering and wondering if I will ever get a treat. My vision is limited to the little hole in the bag, and I can barely hold in my piss.

Despite her numerous achievements in life, I could only focus on one thing: her Subaru's rack. It was so big. For the late bloomer like myself, a big sports rack was a dream come true - the type that would last the long, rough journey of life itself. You could put anything on that rack. I fantasized about kayaks, bikes, and even a roof top tent. You could literally sleep on a rack so large and firm. So refreshing.

Ok, so I got a smart, cute, rich girl who likes adventure and is cool enough to drive a Subaru with a big rack. Cool. After dinner we went to the Opera. I was all dressed up, really nice shoes and all. What happened next shattered my understanding of life.

Imagine a woman who adorned the splendorous wardrobe of Ann Boleyn, had the vocal dexterity of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, and gleaming red hair of Anne of Green Gables. She was silky as sin, and as large as life itself.

The opera singer mesmerized the audience with an oratory flare that reached the outer limits of our galaxy, unquestionably soliciting 'oohs' and 'ahhs' from the entire fleet of the Starship Enterprise, ET, and even Zeus himself.

As she was singing, she slowly removed her outer garments. And then I gasped. She removed all of her clothing. This wasn't some sketchy little titty-bar in Times Square. This was a grand NYC high society event: a treasured opera at Lincoln Center. My lady friend cringed in embarrassment.

For an innocent soul like myself, the nude body wasn't just a body. I saw earth itself. I saw a vast desert, snowy peaks, deep valleys, shining moons, and of course a large, mushy rainforest in the middle of it all. (At that time, I had been to all of earth's majesties except the rain forest. Since then, I've been to rain forests countless times. Once you enter, you tend to move around a lot. Lush vegetation keeps you grazing, wildlife keeps you moving, and the the cacophony of pains and joys constantly puncture the surface of the sky. You are powerful and helpless at the same time. Indeed, the rain forests are the lifeline of all creatures.)

Overwhelmed and scared, I retreated to my imagination, which was, by now, basically an innocent little cute rabbit run over by a mac truck. I couldn't believe it. That which was sacred and private was publicly broadcast. Or shall I say "pubicly" broadcast?

The abrupt loss of innocence and the brazen rejection of privacy, together, form the bedrock of our world today, metaphorically and technologically.

Just a few generations ago, privacy existed. Literacy and technology removed that.

In 1816, 99.9% of the people, ideas, actions of the world went unrecorded. The little bit we do know came from the 0.1% that was recorded - private diaries, musical instruments, buildings, mummies, tools, clothing, random artifacts, scholarly writings, and state records found in physical locations across the world - libraries, basements, and landfills. We extrapolate from this limited data set to recreate life as it was.

In 2016, 0.01% of the people, ideas, actions of the world went unrecorded. Every little aspect of your life was recorded. Everything. Your location was recorded by your mobile phone company from the signals in cell towers. Your financial transactions were recorded by credit card companies, banks, atms, and point-of-sale devices. Your internet searches were recorded by Google. Your social media posts, likes and messages were recorded by Facebook. Your emails and documents were recorded by Dropbox and Google Docs. Your appearance, clothing, and facial expressions were captured by each other's cellular phones, stored in the 'digital cloud', and analyzed by robots. Even your phone calls are recorded. We don't have to extrapolate data. We ARE data.

There are 5 billion people in the world being recorded every second, 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. That's a shit load of data.

When anything is 'recorded' it means that it's converted into a digital format and permanently stored in a database, a digital file cabinet. The concept of deleting a database is false. Databases are never deleted - they are just renamed 'inactive' and not used until their owners are served a subpoena from the government.

Every technological wave both threatens and emboldens the government. When printing presses were invented, governments across the world felt threatened: common people could now exercise their ability, en masse, to read and write freely - perhaps to unhinge the government. Soon, the governments realized that they could manipulate printing presses through regulation. So their fear of mass upheaval died down. When radio was invented, governments felt scared again. But they realized that they could regulate radio through spectrum licenses. The same is true for over-the-air television. The same is true for cable television.

But when the internet came out, the government shit in their pants big time. There was no way the government could regulate hundreds of millions or billions of publishers across the world. Technically, every single person on earth was a 'publisher' - someone who could 'publish' to the world. In the old days, the government just had to worry about a few radio stations, a few tv stations, and a few print periodicals. Now it literally had to worry about a billion unique parties.

The government was like a little kid trapped in a thorny poison ivy patch with a wet diaper - it was bleeding, itching, crying and stuck. It was terrified of the complete freedom of press. It was terrified how easy it was to access networks of illicit activities - prostitution, drugs, human trafficking, money laundering. It was terrified that their tax base would erode from traditional markets such as retail, telecom, and publishing.

But as the internet advanced, key players came to dominate, only to ease the government's worries: Amazon for e-commerce, Facebook for social media, Google for search, Netflix for movies, Apple for mobile phones, etc.

Now the government's job was super easy. Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix and Google, collectively known as "FAANG", became the US governments' eyes, ears, and mouths and obviously, the darlings of Wall Street. The US government could easily regulate the entire world simply by regulating those 5 companies. In reward for paying taxes and employing workers, the government offers these companies expedited passageways to full and total world domination. (Obviously on a Subaru with a huge-ass rack.)

Facebook alone collects more data about people every day than the entire US government collects in an entire year. And more importantly, that data is more throughly analyzed than the KGB and kept more pristine than the gold bars stored at Fort Knox. To put this in 'old people' terms: the US government is the 6-year old kid, and Facebook is the 60-year old grown-up showing the kid how to use the Dewey Decimal system at the largest public library in the world - the internet.

I bet you Mark Zuckerberg can find Trump's tax returns faster than the IRS.

The effect of technology on our lives as consumers is tremendous:

1 - In the early 1980's my parents would spend $6 a minute talking to relatives in India. For a kid dependent on free school lunches from Uncle Sam, that was a lot of money, even if we only called a few times per year (mostly due to family death, birth or sickness) to save money. Now we can video chat endlessly for free any where in the world.

2 - My parents would not let me purchase music or videos because that was too expensive. Now I can listen to so much more music and watch so many more videos for a low price or free.

3 - Before GPS, we spent hours opening maps and wasting gas driving in circles. Now, navigation is a breeze.

4 - My parents would never let me buy books because they were too expensive. I spent my entire childhood in the library. Now I can get access to all the information I want online. Old habits die hard, I still love the Camden Public Library and spend as much time there as possible.

5 - And for heaven's sake, instead of sending all 2,400 members of the CCTSC

The internet evolved in four stages:

1 - Digital transfer of information from one person to many people. nytimes, cnn, etc. early 1990's.

2 - Physical transfer of goods from many people to many people. ebay, amazon, stubhub mid-late 1990's.

3 - Digital transfer of information from many people to many people. friendster, facebook, twitter. 2001-2006ish.

4 - Exchange of services from many people to many people. uber, airbnb. 2009-2010ish.

(I've excluded expedia, priceline and e-commerce sites like llbean because those are just glorified telephone booking services online. It's just an extension of point #1)

Point #4 is the most interesting point of the internet and is the basis of the CCTSC.

At the core is an issue of 'credentialing'. How can you trust a total stranger? What 'credentials' does that stranger need?

You don't really have to trust a total stranger to purchase a used car. You can just have that car evaluated by a mechanic. You don't really have to trust someone to read what they write. You can make up your mind on the veracity of the material. You don't totally have to trust someone to buy an old sweater from them. You already know there is a 25% chance that the Ralph Lauren tag was sewn on after the seller on Ebay purchased the generic sweater from TJ Maxx. You take that risk.

But you must trust someone to hop in their car or sleep in their house. As a young child, I was always advised to never go into a stranger's car or into a stranger's house. It's your life at stake.

But now everyone is hopping into strangers' cars and staying in strangers' houses because of social credentialing. At this day in age, people believe that if you have a public profile and have friends who vouch for you, you must not be a serial killer. Turns out people are right!

Again, the sharing economy has caused the government heartache. The government can regulate (and tax) taxi companies, but how can the government regulate 100's of millions of drivers and riders? The government can regulate (and tax) hotels, but how can the government regulate 100's of millions of houses?

Eventually the government will figure it out. And when it does, Uber and Airbnb will be revered tax collection agents for the US government just like Facebook, Google, and Amazon. They will share the same bed and create a large polygamous colony. All of their children will be named 'greed' and 'power'.

(When cars were invented, the laws were designed for horses. It only took the government 30 years to catch up. The reason that Camden and lots of other towns suffer from traffic jams is not because of traffic. It's because roads were designed for horses. They were later adapted to fit cars. Converting horse-roads to car-roads is like converting typewriters to mobile phones. Government is slow. Technology is fast.)

The power of the sharing economy is tremendous. Underemployed folks could now make money by driving part time with Uber. Underemployed folks could now make their mortgage payments.

One of the most meaningful experiences of my life was airbnb'ing Maine when I first moved here. I stayed at a 94 year old's house in Belfast. I made him dinner every night that I was there and he told me stories of his growing up. I was so happy to support a person who needed help (and money) instead of supporting a large corporation. I stayed in locations all over Maine. I wasn't murdered! I had a wonderful time. I learned about farms, wood-fired stoves, preserving berries, pickling vegetables, military service, and the local economy. I learned about people and their struggles, their families. I made a few really friggin' awesome friends, like John Endicott. One of my best friends in Maine!

When I started the CCSTC on January 17, 2017, I had zero intention of being a chef or opening up a restaurant or even being a celebrity. I was motivated by social justice. And no, I'm not just saying that because I'm running for governor.

My goal was to create the Airbnb of food.

Part of the reason of Airbnb's success was that travelers wanted an authentic experience, not a sanitized one. They didn't want to support an underpaid hotel cleaner and stay in some profit-motivated place without a soul. They wanted home-sheets, home-food, home-windows, home-conversation, home-scenery.

I wanted to create that experience for food.

Growing up, I really wasn't allowed to eat at restaurants because they were too expensive. But thankfully, we spent our early years in the United States in Madison, Wisconsin, an international university town. We had friends from all over the world. We had friends from the Middle East, Asia, Africa, Australia and Europe.

We would be invited to people's houses for West African fish, Japanese Teriyaki, Middle Eastern kabobs, and German strudels! It was a financially constrained, but a culinarily glorious time in my family's life. I was a chubby little kid. People were so unfailingly kind with their food.

In Maine there are so many people who are underemployed. Literally there are thousands of families that teeter-totter on the fence of poverty. All they need is an extra $50-$100 bucks per week to make ends meet.

So I thought: let me create a food sharing platform. That way a family who is struggling can make two lasagnas and sell one of them for $20. That way, they can essentially feed their entire family for free. And the person receiving the lasagna would know that it came from love and that she or he would supporting be a needy family.

So then I thought: before I spend hundreds of hours coding a website that I'm not sure people will use, let me create a secret FB group and show off my culinary skills. I was actually hoping that (1) dozens of other people would also create similar sites (2) hundreds of people would enjoy local, homemade food; and (3) everyone would then start using my food sharing platform.

Like Airbnb, people would have an authentic culinary experience at a lower price than a restaurant.

Well I was wrong. It turns out that the CCTSC was a unique animal, a rare Tibetan Mastiff, not a pedestrian Dachshund. Nobody is as crazy as me. And the government is fairly adamant about not allowing home made food to be distributed. I have conflicting thoughts about this, but I have to commend the Maine government for their kindness, understanding, and willingness to help businesses. Their advice, insights and instructions were unduly appreciated in opening DFC.

But my mind was still spinning....

I was happy with my Airbnb experience in Maine but not the Uber experience. Uber works well in urban areas, but terribly in rural areas.

If you want to go from Boston's North End to the South End, Uber works fine. You pay the Uber driver $10, you get a ride, Uber corporation takes $2, the driver gets $8, and the driver gets to do another trip from the South End.

If you want to go from Camden to Portland and you don't have a car, it sucks. An Uber will cost you $140. A taxi will cost you $100. A bus will cost you $50+ - considering a $10 taxi ride to the Rockland bus station, $30 bus ride, and another $10 taxi ride from Portland to your destination.

So my dear Minions, over the past few months I created a community ridesharing and delivery platform roadslack.

This is a social platform that enables everyone in the community to share rides and deliveries. The site explains itself best. The logic is relatively simple.

There are 5,000 people that travel on Route 1 between Camden and Portland everyday. One of those people should give you a ride for gas money + some.

Or imagine that you live on an Island - i.e. Vinalhaven. Wouldn't be much easier and more environmentally friendly to coordinate grocery deliveries?

Unlike Uber, roadslack does not charge the driver 20.0%. It charges 0.00%. There is just a monthly $2.39 subscription for unlimited rides or deliveries. The driver and rider can communicate and settle with each other directly.

The community benefits are enormous: the elderly or immobile can arrange pickups from the grocery store; islanders and coordinate deliveries and services from the mainland, riders can have access to 'community' transportation (given non-existent public transportation options in Maine), and drivers can make an extra buck for their families without worrying that a corporate overload like Uber will take 20% of their earnings.

Furthermore, unlike Uber there is no automobile requirement. Even if you drive an old car, you're still welcome. Also, its the rider that sets the price.

I hope people can use this service to coordinate rides to fairs and sporting events. I hope people can use this service to have community members pick up their dogs an cats from the veterinarian or pick up produce, meat or dairy from local farms. I hope the sick and elderly can use this service to pick up medication, or see family. I hope travelers can use this to see parts of Maine.

Like other community services, roadslack uses social credentialing. You can reject any driver if you're not totally satisfied with their driving history or social profile.

Driving alone should be a last resort. roadslack is much better for everyone.

Well... what about the naked lady?

Dearest Minions, we are all that naked opera singer in Lincoln Theatre. We all bare our pomegranate chests. Our digital fingerprints are cast loud and wide - they are inescapable and omnipresent. There is no reason to be shocked or scared. You can trust strangers. Embrace it. Love data. You can help someone else, help yourself and help earth.

This is the new world, and it's safer, faster and fairer for everyone.

My only one major regret in designing roadslack is that there is no button to request firm racks for your long, rough ride through life!

Peace and hugs,

Arif Shaikh

One of the absolute best things about the CCTSC is sharing your time and energy with amazing people in the community.

One of those people is Rachel Nixon. I was fortunate enough to be invited her kid's yoga camp to serve some cashew coconut lassis and teach the kids about the ingredients. Kendra Denny was working with kids to paint models of colorful trucks found throughout South Asia.

Today Rachel Nixon's team at The Dancing Elephant came in to thank me with a sweet note!

The kids at her yoga camp are dominating the world!

Cheers,

Arif Shaikh

My wife and I found the cafe serendipitously. We had already eaten at another restaurant nearby (unfortunately) and were taking a walk. We needed something to "undo" the bad taste in our mouths. We had the "most awesome cardamon clove custard" (Vegan) and Chai. Both were the best! The rest of the menu had several vegan items that were very appealing (next time we are in the area). Owner is a very friendly, enthusiastic fellow who cares about quality and cares about you.

Dearest Minions,

Sometimes the volcano of creativity explodes. Like the citizens of Pompeii, Italy the great people of Midcoast Maine will be smothered with clay and ashes. Except this time the world will rejoice.

DFC would like to introduce our new line of spice-based cleansing agents.

Today I have before you two natural exfoliators:

1 - Clay Cardamom Clove Coconut Chai exfoliator

2 - Charcoal Cardamom Clove Coconut Chai exfoliator

These cleansers are based off my time in India visiting my grandparents in their village. We made cleansers based off of the charcoal we cooked with and the spices and fats left in the pots.

We not only ate the spices but also used the spices, ashes, and the earth itself to clean our hands and clean the pots!

I use 100% organic coconut, 100% organic cardamom, 100% organic clove, 100% organic tea leaves, and food-grade coconut charcoal and cosmetic-grade kaolin clay.

The soap agents include: coconut oil (partly organic, partly not), palm oil, safflower oil, glycerin (vegetable based), unrefined cocoa butter, water, sodium hydroxide (for saponification), sorbitol (moisturizer), propylene glycol (vegetable, glycerine-based), sorbitan oleate (emulsifier), oat protein (conditioner), titanium dioxide (mineral-based whitener).

I do not use any fragrances. I do not even use essential oils. I only use spices – which is why you don’t get the ‘lingering perfume scent’ on your body after you scrub. You just get natural, earthy, fragrant scents. This wears off very quickly – as it’s supposed to.

Do NOT scrub your body with this bar. Build up a lather with your hands. Then use your hands to rub your body.

I repeat: Do NOT scrub your body with this bar. Build up a lather with your hands. Then use your hands to rub your body.

I scrubbed my hands with these soaps 24x (yes - 24 times) in the past 24 hours. My hands are smoother and softer than a baby’s bottom. Clean as a whistle.

I showered with these soaps 3x in 24 hours. I built a lather with my hands and scrubbed my body with my hands. My skin feels radiant and I feel awesome.

The suggested donation for these soaps are $8.00 each. The current demand far exceeds the supply. Working on fulfillment as we speak.

If you would like to be on the wait list, please let me know. I can't wait to share greatness!

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

Dearest Minions,

I'm going to take you to a deep, dark world. You'll see the forces - mysterious as they are ethereal - that give breath to clouds. But are you ready to be the diaper of the ocean's bladder? If not, stop reading.

You know that millions of animals are locked up in zoos. They are stripped of their dignity, ability to love, see their children, eat or move as they please. They are prodded, goaded, tortured, ridiculed. They woefully submit to the light sabers of cruelty wielded by the Darth Vaders of injustice - millions of consumers who value their freedom to observe more than the animal's freedom to live.

But there is a deep dark secret you need to know. For at night, the neediest, most trampled animals are freed by unspoken angels of the world - Santa's Elves. Yes, this is their non-Christmas job. With the gusto of delivering wrapped presents at light-speed, these benevolent, big chested ('cuz of their hearts, not their boobs) bastions of goodness unlock the zoo gates for downtrodden animals in an unspoken act of immaculate transcendence.

With the joy of an innocent comet leaping across the starry skies these newly freed animals munch on sweet apricots from the gardens of eden, trample on soft grass, play with their friends, and drink from cool, clear streams of galactic glacial melt. These streams are a million times better than a Coffee Coolatta at Dunkin Donuts, and almost as good as my Cardamom Chai at the Goodtern.

All of that comes to a screeching halt when the sun rises, the Elves (begrudgingly) put the locks back on the cages, the zoo keepers return with their sedative guns and antibiotics, and humans eating artificial popsicles start poking at the two inch glass which separates human from beast. Which one is which is hard to tell.

Dearest Minions, I'm kind of referring to animals, but I'm actually referring to you.

You have a tough life. You put up with the grind. You deal with bad people at times, tough situations, aches and pains, loss of wealth, health. There are thieves, murders, slanderers, bullies and abusers in this small sandbox of mother earth. Dragons incessantly breathe fire on those vulnerable souls who suffer from mental health. Sometimes you're imprisoned in the cage of life. And some little d*ck is just poking at your cage. And sometimes this lasts for years or decades.

Who's your angel-elf?

Escapism is a common refrain across many cultures. Yes, by leaving, you keep your sanity and ability to stay. What do I mean?

For a vast majority of the world, musicians are the elves who unlock your cages. They hoist you on their backs, they carry you unto their blimps and reindeers, and they float you away.

With beautiful music, you surrender your physical touch, taste, smell, and vision. What you gain is something indescribable. The Loch Ness monster is real, lust is controllable, and love is within grasp. Like Arctic winds, your emotional atoms are tightly packed, and wildly powerful.

(On a molecular level, cold wind is much more powerful than warm wind because there is more air - more air molecules - per cubic unit. Heat expands air, diluting the atom count. Cold compresses air, concentrating the atom count. Hot air is like one punch, cold air like two.)

Under the influence of harmful drugs, you experience bodily harm and a total loss of control . But with music and musicians, you get buffaloes and the friggin' yokes too! You're not barebacking a bronco at the rodeo. You're on the highway to heaven, with Aladdin and Princess Jasmine by your side.

You'll notice and Bollywood movies and South Asian songs can be lengthy in terms of time and fantastical about wealth and romantic love - two very rare things*. That's because at the core they are about one thing: escape. How do I escape?

* Wealth is obviously rare in India. The bottom 80% live on $2/day. Hard love is very common in India. Romantic love is not.

Hard love means you might treat your spouse with loud burps, grumpiness, and shitty-attitudeness on a daily basis, but you'll never cheat on her and if she's ever ill you'll spend the rest of your life at her bedside without flinching. Romantic love means you tell your spouse how much you love her and buy her flowers. Romantic love, although sweet, does employ two little part-time Satans: Valentines day and diamond engagement rings. Both of which are thinly veiled scams which seduce you into buying shit to disguise your flaws instead of working hard to diminish your flaws. Mo' money mo' problems, biatch! I like capitalism, and so I don't often kick capitalism in the nuts, but even when I do, capitalism barely whimpers. Ugh. I'm no Superman.

Romantic love resides in movies and songs. Hard love resides in spice-filled, humid bungalows across India. Like all else in life, there is danger in extremes.

One type of music that is very powerful in South Asia and that I grew up with are Ghazals - long beautiful verses about the only two things people care about in this world: God and Girls. Well maybe they care, and maybe they don't - but they fight wars over them, so I guess they matter.

Ghazals are intriguing. They are like Capoeira dance of Brazil. Say what? Slaves in Brazil wanted to defend themselves against the cruelty of their masters. But obviously they couldn't practice self defense in public - that would lead their masters to dispatch them. So the slaves practiced self defense with music and disguised their self-defense as dance. Capoeira was about self defense and music.

With Ghazals, there are powerful subliminal messages which almost violently cross sacrosanct religious lines. Like Capoeira, they hide the wolf of non-conformity in the harmless skins of celebration.

(Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan "NFAK" was the most famous Ghazal singer of all time. He is beyond revered. When he died in August 1997, South Asia fell into a public mourning. I remember that day: I had just come back from a trip to India. The sorrow of his passing crushed my heart like a Buffalo stomping on its own milk curds. Currently his music is listened to in traditional form, but also remade and remixed with pop-style beats all the time. His legacy is now carried forth by his nephew Rahat Fateh Ali Khan "RFAK".)

I love this song by RFAK: https://www.youtube.com/watch…

The lyrics are downright seditious. Here is a sample.

Even God must have fallen in love

In your arms I lost myself

The fragrance of your breaths became a part of me

I forgot the whole world and let love take me away

I feel like touching the sky

I feel like drowning in your love

What good is my living

If you are not by my side

We will live together and we will die together

We can't live without each other

Even God must have fallen in love

The point here is that no one knows whether he is talking about God or Girls. "You" and "your" could be either. This might seem innocent, but it's not. The consequences derived from this intentional obfuscation are the subject of PhD theses, and beyond the shallow scope of my oft irreverent musings.

But when I do listen to NFAK or RFAK, I shed tears. I know that my elves have come. I love you Santa. The gates and crates and cages sealed by humanity's locks and chains will be broken, allowing me to frolic in the cloudy haze of puffy skies. I can swim with the Loch Ness Monster, share Chicken Tikka Masala with Santa Claus, and yes, even feel gentle feathers of Romantic Love without an arranged marriage.

Dearest Minions: You may or may not love my music, but you surely love yours. Your beloved musicians wipe your hearts with the foamy rose bud soap of pure joy on their ships of celestial transcendence. Hug them and love them. So dear they are.

Just remember that when you return from your epic musical voyage, and feel the pinches, pokes, and punches of life on earth, there will always be a cup of chai and hot curry waiting for you at DFC.

That's more than what most zoo animals can hope for.

Love you too.

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

curry king

founder of dfc

https://dfcurry.com

Dearest Minions,

I was interviewed by famous reporter a few days ago. He asked "Arif, will you stop running the CCTSC when DFC hits it big?"

To that I replied "Does a serpent shed its fangs after a venomous bite?"

The CCTSC is a wolf's howl, a monkey's tail, and the alphorn of the dude on the Ricola commercial - all in one.

Without the support of the CCTSC I would be lost at sea, drifting in loneliness, surrounded by pirates and piranhas.

Instead I am lost on Route 1, drifting in and out of cell phone reception, surrounded by crazed cosmonauts in the friggin' Kremlin of curry communism.

Have mercy dear Minions. I am but a benevolent dictator. Unlike the KGB, the DFC taps spices, not spies. The DFC influences eating, not elections. Don't get too partisan: We like Biriyani and Babushkas.

Anyway, so I'm floored by just how many people want food delivered. Why?

Do you like to eat at home? Are you too busy to go out? Is it just a pain? Do you want to watch Netfix and eat at the same time?

I'm so curious, I've never seen a response like this...

Your fearless leader,

arif shaikh

Dearest Minions,

One of the most arresting moments of my life took place while volunteering as a teacher at a poor public school outside of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 2009.

In my first week of class (as an observer), I noticed that two middle school students were sitting on each other's lap, making out and groping each other right at their desks right during the class lesson.

But that wasn't the shocking part.

The teacher never said a word, never reported anyone, and just continued with her lesson. She never made eye-contact with her students and just read from a book, sitting at her desk.

But that still wasn't the shocking part.

This teacher was a very nice person - she was my host mother while I was in Brazil. So I knew her well! She discussed international affairs, economics, and politics. She was generally thoughtful and considerate, empathetic and sympathetic.

But I confronted her that day.

Me: "did you see what was happening?"

Her: "yes"

Me: "why didn't you do anything?"

Here is the shocking part.

Her: "I am not their mother!"

Then it hit me like a brick. Everything suddenly made sense. The school was in shambles.

Teachers couldn't and shouldn't replace parents. And parent's didn't care about their kids enough to teach them etiquette and instill discipline.

The teachers and administrators were guaranteed a paycheck without any accountability. The parents of the students were either absent from their kids' lives, incarcerated, drunk, or could care less about education. The kids had no role models, no inspiration to do anything with their lives, no interest in learning or personal growth. No carrot, no stick. Nada.

There were no exams, no feedback, no guidance, no group work, no field trips, no music, no art. Just zombies - teachers, students, administrators, parents.

Poor public schools in Brazil served just one purpose: to keep kids off the street. It was prison + daycare all in one. For the record, lots of schools serve this purpose across the world.

Absolutely nobody gave a shat - the federal/state/local government, administrators, teachers, students, or parents.

And so even if you are one good parent, one good teacher, one good student, one good government official, one good volunteer - it didn't matter. You can't clean the ocean with a pool skimmer. You can try, but you'll fail. So you give up.

Good people try to change things, they fail, and they leave. What you have left is all the sludge at the bottom of the ocean that couldn't or didn't evaporate.

So how the f*ck does this relate to curry?

I'm getting to that.

Remember when the current Pope washed the feet of refugees? People were moved to tears, watching someone of such holiness to reach out and actually touch humans in great distress - regardless of citizenship, religion, or status.

My high school teachers were Popes and I was a refugee. My high school teachers saved me from drowning in a sea of sorrow. They witnessed the condition of my boat, observed my eyeballs sinking deeply in my skull, salved my parched skin, and offered me a life vest when so many assholes just zoomed by in their power boats.

They didn't ask too many questions, they just listened and they helped.

I was a straight-A student, a school leader, a community volunteer, a varsity athlete, and ate the best food of anyone in my high school when I got home.

But I was not popular, made fun of for being different, and excluded from social activities. When I got home, I did not find the empathy that my teachers so mercifully and selflessly lended me.

I will tell you truthfully - my academic drive and ambition were not wholesome.

I did not see learning as a this beautiful comet that I could ride across the universe to brush the Milky Way galaxy with warm saffron hues, chat with Zeus over a cup of hot cardamom chai, and gaze at the moon like a beaming bride.

I did not see learning as this glowing radiant plate of chicken tikka masala to be devoured and cherished. I did not see learning necessary for sustenance.

I saw school as a battleground to kick everyone else's ass for being mean to me. I was fundamentally unhappy, and getting good (actually the best) grades and padding my resume with leadership, athletic, academic, and community accolades was one way to bring a gun to the knife fight, aka school.

It worked. And so I won.

After enrolling at Brown University, I just didn't care 'to be smart' anymore. I was smart enough, and I could focus on running on the long, windy trail of making friends. And I was woefully behind. I was too busy fighting all these years to see that my legs had been blown off.

I fundamentally believe in education - all types. School-based, life-based, art-based, music-based, language-based, science-based, sports-based, faith-based, math-based - whatever you believe in.

But more importantly than education, I believe in caring.

Do you actually give a f*ck? Because if you, you'll try make it happen. But it only really happens when everyone gives a f*ck.

By giving a f*ck, you give yourself the chance to improve your life as well as others. It may or may not be in a classroom setting. Results are not guaranteed. A chance is better than no chance.

Developmentally teenage years are huge for the human species. Humans change physically and mentally by leaps and bounds. Good kids are like milk - sweet and open. Good adults are like chai - complex and particular.

I am partial to youth - because my teenage years were incredibly formative and meaningful to me. I credit my good personal habits, hard work ethic, and my attention to detail to physical & mental disciplines that I developed in high school, supported by my teachers and parents.

And I give a f*ck and I want to help and I think everyone should help. Actions matter more than words.

That's the reason I launched:

https://dfcurry.com/competition.php

Now does the Universe make sense?

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

Dearest Minions,

As your fearless leader, I most brazenly ask you to FedEx everything you've learned in your life about history, politics, and global affairs to your mother-in-law's house - a place you'll never go. I'll teach you all of life's lessons in this one email for three easy payments of $19.95. Operators are on standby. Call 1-800-IAM-[censored]

The dusk of imperialism from the late 1800's through the mid 1900's led to a deep darkness in this world. Imperialism was not just about Europeans colonizing the world, but about Americans, Africans, Asians, and Australians colonizing their 'own' people. The layers of human subjugation and disenfranchisement are too deep to dive into. In summary, people with power and authority *sharted all over people without - regardless of race, religion, nationality etc.

* A shart is what happens to you when you eat too much tikka masala and get an arranged marriage on the same day. For further clarification, please see: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=shart

In the absence of imperial authority, new 'nations' and 'states' sprung up everywhere in the 20th century. Loosely glued ethnic, religious, and familial orders began to mold their own rigid national identities, cementing their newly-formed backyards with anti-ballistic missile systems and legions of marching bands. All of a sudden, the initials "FU" were imprinted on every home's welcome mat and every door was welded shut. Thankfully, Amazon.com didn't exist then.

So how the f*ck does this relate to curry? I'll tell you.

Since the beginning of time, there had never been an abundance of food on earth. Because even if you accumulated food, it would be gone the next day - either through consumption or rot. And without food, you'd die. So you were always looking for food. (Wide-scale refrigeration is just one generation old.)

But after the rise of nation-states, food was no longer about saving people. Food was about saving leaders. If leaders couldn't feed their people (at least enough to survive), they couldn't keep their glorious safe-holds of testosterone - their newly formed nation-states.

The Great Depression was like the gun starting the mass food marathon. (It's been Heartbreak Hill ever since.) At that point, much of the world was suffering from starvation. So understandably, the race to make food was just as crucial to national survival as the race to make weapons. So all governments tried to make lots of food really fast, and America won.

So the US government (1) eradicated small farms like weeds, (2) subsidized large farms like the parents of the Rich Kids of Instagram, (3) wiped the big fat asses of pesticide company executives with petroleum-enriched butt-wipes, (4) gave out free Superbowl tickets to all PhD students researching genetic modification, and on top of that (5) dressed up as innocent Girl Scouts every single Halloween only to egg and toilet paper family dairy producers and family slaughterhouses. This continued for decades.

The end result: massive success. Wheat, corn, dairy, barley, poultry and meat production skyrocketed. All plants and fruit were propagated based on their sole ability to be mass produced and transported effectively. Rivers, lakes, oceans were polluted with pesticides. Millions of animals were caged, force fed, and medicated. And humanity became addicted to too much food, too cheap, and made too unhealthily.

We actually never, ever had to worry about food. Because modern scientists just copied what ancient Egyptians did 5,000 years ago: they mummified our Twinkies in magic preservatives.

But it gets better. Because the US had so much food we could export to other nations. That (1) made us look like heroes, (2) toppled other nations' local farming economies (a small goat farmer couldn't compete with US factory gmo-rubber-chicken); and (3) ensured that the US had its hand really far up their you-know-what. (I can't remember the name, but I think our current President might have mentioned it before. He was voted President, so it must not be a bad word, right?)

World domination was too friggin' easy: meat, poultry, potatoes and bread were cheap and plentiful.

So at the stroke of a pen, three new deities displaced the worlds major religions.

The new objects of worship worldwide were: (1) Ronald McDonald, (2) The freaky Burger King dude, and (3) Colonel Sanders.

Go to the Vatican, Jerusalem, or Mecca right now. The Burger Kings, McDonalds, and KFCs located there are filled with hungry worshippers 24/7, dying for nourishment.

So yes, when we came to America in the early 80's, we gave up our religion and adopted the three deities we saw on TV all the time - they were always smiling and filled with joy. We couldn't afford to eat out that often, but when we did we sung their prayers and paid them our penance

We gained a shit load of weight in our first few years in the United States and didn't know that we were eating and drinking crap. We just assumed that everything approved by the FDA and Uncle Sam was a gift for humanity - like the corrupt leaders who had no choice but to accept Uncle Sam's rubber chickens.

I realize that I'm probably coming off as a cynical little ass. It's ok. I'm not. I just happen to be a mongoose in a pit of cobras. And I've already gotten bit a few times. Apparently lots of people have. That's why a majority of Americans are medicated (for hypertension, diabetes, and pain amongst other ailments) on a daily basis. Luckily, I am perfectly healthy to the best of my knowledge and have never depended on medication.

I have a real advantage with DFC. I know I can change things for the better. And I'll tell you why:

1 - The fast food industry uses artificial preservatives to keep their food fresh. I don't need to. I can use natural spices. Spices are the best preservatives. They are amply available, easily shippable and they're good for you.

2 - The fast food industry uses commercial sodas for drinks. I don't need to. I make all drinks in-house. I can control the flavor and sugar levels. All my drinks have spices and natural ingredients.

3 - The fast food industry relies strictly on meats for proteins. I don't need to. I use seeds (chia, flax), nuts (cashew, coconut), and garbanzo for proteins as well.

4 - The fast food industry relies on all sorts of 'fillers' - breadcrumbs, soy, oil, salt - to 'stretch' their portions. I don't need to. I charge enough money to provide a decent amount of food. (If you're still hungry after a meal at DFC, come speak to me, and let me make it right for you.)

5 - The fast food industry depends on chemicals to 'addict' users. I don't need to. Curry is pretty addictive. You either love it or not. And if you love it, you'll 'need' to eat it. You'll come back to DFC.

6 - The most powerful reason is that, in your heart, you know that the three deities (1) Ronny MacD (2) Freaky Burger King guy and (2) Col Sanders can't eat their own cooking. You know those executives dine on something other than their own food for corporate retreats.

But you know that your fearless eater eats his own curry 3x per day.

I know that I can make it exceptional for myself, and my current struggle is how make larger quantities and deliver them with speed - both mechanical issues, not really food ones.

It's been almost 80 years since the end of the Great Depression and over 60 years since the founding of MacDonalds.

What we need is better food, not more food. Sorry Ronny MacD, Freaky Burger King guy, and Col Sanders. Your days are numbered.

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

dfcurry.com

Dearest Friends,

Our first week of commercial operations at DFC has concluded!

Allow me to furnish a quick summary:

First day: 30-40 minute delays, lots of order mess-ups, some burnt food, some missing chicken in chicken tikka masala. Staff confusion: high

Second day: 10-20 minute delays, few order mess-ups, no burnt food, no missing chicken in chicken tikka masala. Staff confusion: moderate

Third day: zero minute delays, zero order mess-ups, zero burnt food, lots of chicken in chicken tikka masala. Staff confusion: none

I was really happy to see Andy Rowe. This dude is amazing. Came two out of our three days in operation!

Hugs Andy, hugs!

And thank you Duryea Decker Griffith and Adam Maguire for your excellence, dedication and hard work!

Arif Shaikh

Dearest Friends,

Thanks for giving us the pleasure of taking the CCTSC from a group of rag-tag bandits to an elite 7-star restaurant in Rockland, Maine: DFC.

Well not quite. We're more like a teenager with some growing pains and at least a couple of A's on the report card, some B's and yes, even some C's and D's.

Like a traditional parent-child relationship, I know that you in the community care about me and want me to succeed. That basic humanity is weighed with your desire for food (and perhaps the chance that you might become the next viral sensation of CCSTC).

I will share with you some things that I am proud of and some things that I'm not.

What I'm proud of:

1 - Our staff: Duryea Decker Griffith and Adam Maguire (filling in for Devi this weekend) are both rock stars. Solid people, good hearts, incredible work ethic. No harsh voices, no finger pointing or wagging. Good dialogue, good pay, good benefits (take breaks as they need, eat or drink as they like during the breaks, and take food home after the night). The company has a flat structure. Everyone is doing everything with no 'titles'.

2 - Our prices: My mission is to make eating at DFC affordable for everyone. Some people tell me that I can raise prices, but I don't want to.

3 - Our ambiance: I keep this a family-friendly place. (I understand that some of - perhaps even a majority of - my posts are totally risque and probably not something you want to share with kids. But the restaurant is for everyone). There is no smoking, drugs or alcohol on premise - either before open or after close.

4 - Our payment process: super fast and easy.

What I'm not proud of:

1 - We're way too slow. We're working on this. Throughout the night, we faced order fulfillment delays of 30-40 minutes. i.e. someone ordered for takeout at 6:00pm, their order was not ready until 6:30pm. This is totally unacceptable.

The core of the problem has to do with where things are placed:

a - we had too much stuff in the downstairs fridge and not enough stuff in the upstairs fridge

b - we had too many containers downstairs and not enough upstairs

c - our kitchen and prep space is limited and we're still trying to find the best places to do cooking and prep work vs storage.

d - several takeout was labeled as eat in, etc.

One of the simple, but effective things we did was place an iPad in the kitchen so that the chef could see the orders come in instead of me screaming them. That sped up our fulfillment during the night. That was Duryea's idea.

2 - Some of the food! The food as we made it was delicious - I try everything personally. But, food as served did not pan out as I had hoped. A couple of people reported that:

a - There was not enough chicken in their tikka masala serving. Yes, confirmed. (Some people had too much, some too little. Anyone who reported not having enough chicken - we absolutely gave them another serving.)

Our solution is simple: we will be using a new slotted spoon that allows us to see the chicken chunks and see the consistency in every serving.

b - There were some burnt pieces of 'pan bottom' in the lamb. The core issue is that the gas flame was on 'low' to keep the lamb curry warm. Because our gas range is really old, it actually went out for several minutes (it does that when it's on low) until someone noticed. So the operator thought to place the gas on 'high' to reheat the lamb as quickly as possible. That caused a thin film of 'burn' to accumulate at the bottom of the pan.

Sorry for this. And please let us know so that we can make you whole.

c - A few of our take-out orders had missing items. Please let us know - send me a message. We want to make things right for you.

What we're still working on:

Our stakeholders are our customers, our employees, and our vendors. We are lucky to have the space we do because of Heather Symmt- she runs The Daily Perch Cafe from 7:00am - 2:00pm, every day of the week except Wednesday. Go there for a fantastic breakfast. Samantha Farwell, the head chef, is amazing.

Heather Symmt has been helpful and kind to damn fine curry - subleasing her space, helping with ordering, organization, pricing, and being generous with utilizing kitchen equipment, storage space and refrigeration.

We're trying as hard as we can to be model tenants - cleaning, placing things back where they belong, being careful with equipment etc. But we are still learning and we still mess up - there are lots of moving parts, plugs, gadgets, tools in every nook and corner! But overall, sharing a space as been a great experience.

In conclusion:

Thank you for your continued support. I'm happy to be your teenager.

Adolescence is tough, unlike our chunks of chicken or lamb!

I look forward to this entire summer of spices!

Love, peace, and spice,

Arif Shaikh

Curry King

dfcurry.com

ps: A super special thank you to Adam Maguire. He's just one of those 'damn fine people' that show up in your life when you most need and least expect. (I never hired him - he just came to eat.) Filled with just a good heart, he brought us balloons for opening night, cleaned dishes, ran up and down stairs carrying heavy things - all without asking or expecting anything. In his words he's "focused on the long run."

Two things Adam Maguire: DFC will reward you in the short run and long run - by way more than just hugs. Your good work and good spirit have never gone unnoticed.

Kathleen Payton Brown:

Delicious combination of flavors! OMG the chai....I could drink that sweet cardamom nectar every day!

Katherine Silva:

Had the most amazing lamb curry tonight! And the chai to cap off the whole meal really was some of the best I've ever had. Thank you so much, Arif! Will definitely be back for more. :)

Jane Powell:

So enjoyed my dinner tonight, Arif! So good. I wanted to have left overs for tomorrow, but I ate it all up. Burger and fries, yummy! Chai, THE Best! Delicious dessert, custard. I'm going to have to do it again!! Thanks. Well done, y'all!

Dear Minions,

The day was December 7th, 2009. I was devouring a fleshy, spicy, aromatic crispy-on-the-outside, buttery-on-the-inside chunk of char-grilled baby stingray from the island of Borneo.

The hazy cloud of culinary delight fogged up the thick glass windows of my mind. My only visions were that of pungent odors of Kota Kinabalu market in Malaysia. (I'm like a cartoon character - I can see odors.) My tongue was rolling with sheer delight - like a kid in a candy store.

The baby stringray's skin was like a papery-crispy muslin blanket that covered a layered cake of gooey, salty fat and tender muscle. An on top of that, it was grilled with bountiful spices on top of home-made charcoal. The stars and comets were jealous. They could only enjoy the galaxy. But I could enjoy smoked baby stingray.

I ate with my eyes, my fingers, my mouth and my soul. Lord, have mercy! Thankfully this was a memorable last leg of a world journey. And I had a long magic carpet ride back to San Francisco to ingest my culinary conquest.

Thinking I would return to "life-as-usual" in America, what I found was like diving back into the Pacific ocean and swimming with the Stringrays themselves.

When I arrived on the streets of San Francisco, there was a gay pride march. All the men walking on the streets had their tomatoes and cucumbers hanging out in plain sight - no grocery bag, no barley sack, so picnic basket. Just straight up heirloom vegetables in plain sight for everyone to see. Hundreds of men walking.

At first I was offended. Don't these people have decency? But after thinking about it, I was prouder than they were. I wasn't just happy for them, I was happy for them and for America. And I was convinced they were doing the right thing.

All over the world, humans find ways to treat each other unfairly. Some humans resort to violence, some humans enforce discriminatory laws, some humans repress free speech, and some humans prohibit amorous engagement.

And when humans feel trampled on, they seek redress. Sometimes a simple pleasant exchange of words can suffice. Other times fire is fought with fire.

You see - people don't simply *want* to walk naked in the streets. They walk naked because they're calling for equal rights - to be treated with the same dignity as others. They walk naked because their calls have been unanswered. Thankfully in America, you can ask for equal rights without the government putting a bullet in your head and then sending a bill to your family for the price of the bullet. [Well at least they're using *rubber* bullets in the Dakota Pipeline situation. ugh. :( ]

Many countries in the world with autocratic regimes are inherently volatile. I will summarize 100 years of political history to make your lives easier. There are only three moving parts.

1 - Autocratic governments. They worship themselves, and want you to worship them.

2 - Religious fanatics. They worship themselves, and want you to worship them.

3 - The people. They hate autocratic government. They hate religious fanatics. They simply want to worship as they please and eat spicy food.

Because of this, there is endless bloodshed.

Now thankfully all the world's repressed populations can come to midcoast Maine where they can enjoy freedom of speech, freedom of worship, and eat excellent spicy food at a reasonable price at dfcurry.com. No more bloodshed.

Not to make light of this, but part of the reason I started CCSTC was to have a creative outlet myself. Like my curry, I often put words, pictures and videos in a big pot, spice them up, and serve them to you.

For me, this is genuine, real and sincere. It's who I am. I would never pay some third party advertising company to get inside your mind, when I can kick all of their asses at doing just that.

From my world experiences, I know that a lot of what I produce in terms of writing, picture or video wouldn't really fly in many countries.

In fact, my creative outlet might lead to death, imprisonment, abuse or torture in many autocratic nations. They would see this as snubbing the government, snubbing religious authority, or inciting satan in the hearts of humanity.

(I definitely don't want to incite Satan with my words. My garlic, chili and cumin already scared off Satan from all of midcoast Maine, so we don't have to worry about him.)

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you for accepting me and my words. If what I write ever offends you, rest assure that my intentions are good. I am nothing but Saran-wrap covering the cheese of humanity - preventing the rodents who abuse their gnawing enamel torpedoes of spartan authority to chew out the soft curds of our hearts.

Let the music start!

Your fearless leader & curry king,

luv,

Arif Shaikh

dfcurry.com

ps: come to opening night May 25th!

Mi'kMaq Attack:

Dearest Minions,

I must confess: while many of you might think I'm some sort of writer or chef, I am nothing more than a proto-neanderthal.

I am motivated by one thing in life: food. Before the sun comes up in Camden, I meet Barney Rubble at Camden Harbor. We try to coordinate our deer skin skirts and sticks. Then we run around trying to hunt Moose with our bare hands, exchanging pleasantries every step of the way: grunting and burping profusely.

Basically I do the same thing in Camden, Maine that I did in Manhattan, New York for 10 years. I would like to share some tidbits of my food journey.

I was blessed with both the desire and the resources to eat at many of the world's most exceptional restaurants. Fortunately, I had many friends who also cared for the same. We would often go on 'hunting trips' to find great food. So in Manhattan, I would constantly eat out: frequenting every type of establishment from sushi to steak, from raw food to fried food, from Mongolia to Madagascar; from dirt cheap to ultra expensive; from undiscovered gems to the most famous chefs. (Eating out is kind of the norm in NYC, not the exception. Even so, I was a hyper-eater-outer.)

I've also traveled to 45 countries - every continent except Australia and Antarctica. I've eaten almost every type of cuisine in every environment in every religious, cultural and economic context you can imagine. In each of these countries, I've been fortunate to have very deep and strange cultural experiences.

I speak 4 languages - German, Spanish, Portuguese and English. I learned those languages by spending enough time in their respective countries that I could absorb their language (in addition to classroom work) and obviously their food.

(Sadly, when we immigrated to this country, my parents actively taught me to not speak in Urdu or Hindi, fearing that would somehow impede my English comprehension. So instead I spoke heavily accented English that my school teachers could barely understand.)

I have had powerful life experiences. I received several detentions in middle school, became class president in my freshman year of high school, was imprisoned in Syria, held for ransom in China, hitchhiked across the Southern tip of Africa, camped in the wetlands of Brazil, taught English in Morocco, and I traveled across India in a 3rd class train. But the most difficult thing in my life was witnessing the bone-crushing years of my parent's financial and social struggles and never-ever-ever fitting in grade school. I grew up without 'friends'. I was never invited to a birthday party. I was never invited to a graduation party. I never went to the movies once with anyone (other than family) during all four years of high school. Never went to a music concert. Never went to prom. I felt a kinship with my teachers that I could not find amongst my peers. I dug deeply. Nothing.

Sorry for burdening you with emotional baggage. Every one has limited trunk space. But in all fairness, by reading this, you've already seen my suitcases on the side of the road and offered me a ride in your car. I promise no farting - I finished off all my chickpea curry last week, so you have no worries. Allow your fearless leader to indulge further, pray not that he becomes Icarus, flying too close to the sun!

I've lived through many extremes in my life. Not just as a passerby, but in reality. That meant I got off the train, walked around, stayed and slept and lived in a community.

Not some stupid window "goodbye" from an air-conditioned academic book-train with silk tablecloths. My life wasn't the first class section of the Trans-Siberian Railway. Going from East to West wasn't linear. No Ushanka hat could protect me from the cold thrusts of Arctic punches in my life's wind tunnel.

At this juncture, how does all of this relate to DFC?

(1) I firmly believe you can only 'love' food if you eat it regularly.

I've never a fallen in love with caviar because I've only had it once in my life. I've never fallen in love with lobster or filet mignon because I eat them every few months (if that). I've never fallen in love with a 5-star Michelin restaurant for the same reason that I've never fallen in love with a mermaid. Wet dreams don't count. (but double entendres do!)

I have totally fallen in love with local pizza, burger, coffee, breakfast, and ice-cream joints, and co-ops, because I can afford them and I eat there all the time without flinching.

You can't fall in love with Giselle Bundchen by kissing her once. You can fall in love with the girl next door by kissing her everyday. Food is like that too.

(Thankfully the local ice-cream joint can't run away from me, like all the local girls do.)

(2) I firmly believe that the only food worth cooking is food that you love.

I am 100% selfish - I only cook food that I love to eat personally. I will never be somebody else's food bitch. And, I don't want to waste hours on perfecting a dish that I can't see myself eating regularly. Of course I try to cook new things all the time, but only if I think the new dish has a chance of that being new 'staple' in my life.

Do I like to eat my own cooking? Can I eat my own cooking at least 3x per day?

Does it pass the "not too test?": Not too expensive, not too greasy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too carb-loaded, not too sugary, not too protein-loaded, not too much, not too little, not too wet, not too dry, etc?

The restaurants that I visit regularly pass the "not-too" test with flying colors. That's why I go. Hopefully DFC will be that for you.

I am proud to say that I eat my own food 7x per day. I drink three cups of chai + one curry or one burger + one polao + one lassi or lemonade + one custard every single day.

I have the virility and strength of a tusked elephant to prove it.

(3) I firmly believe that the only type of food worth eating is from hands of labor that were respected, well treated, and cared for.

When you're served food - trust me - you want the person making it to 'love their job'. You can taste the difference between food sloppily made and food made with love. Let me give you two examples of love-cooking.

In 2011, I went to Saudi Arabia on an expedition to the desert in a tour group from Boston. We drove two hours to a remote village outside of Medina and ate with local bedouins. Prior to our arrival, they dug a huge hole in the desert sand, and partially filled that hole with dried desert wood and dried desert herbs. The night before they slaughtered a lamb and marinated that lamb in spices. That morning they buried the lamb meat in the sand hole, covered it up and let it slow cook for 8 hours. When the tour group came, we sat on a modest, beaten rug on top of sand, under their tent. And we sunk our teeth into a juicy, soft bubbling chunks of meat and fat. Oh, this was to die for, and I relished every last atom. All we had was lamb - 100% meat, fat and bone!

In 2010, I traveled to Israel. My fondest memory was walking down Dizengoff street in Tel Aviv to eat "sabich" at a local shop. Sabich consisted of a medley of spices, boiled egg, fried egglant, and various marinated, picked vegetables wrapped in a pita. The perfect marination and fermentation of the pickled vegetables screamed "wow" with every bite. My whole body sang a chorus of joy. The food (100% vegan) was delicious, filling, nutritious and heavenly. And in fact, I liked it so much that

I brought one just for my cab ride back to the airport even though I was totally stuffed.

In both cases, you can taste the love. You can easily tell when there is love and dedication in who makes your food: whether you're being served by a bedouin outside of Medina or a city slicker in Tel Aviv. You don't have to even speak their language or understand their culture. You don't need a luxurious setting. You just know that they know how to do one thing, they do it well, and they don't really care what you think - because they're total bosses and they got game and they know it.

To be honest, I care for my employees more than I care for my food. There is no way the food will be amazing if the workers are not respected. That means:

a - no shouting, yelling, or screaming (ever)

b - flexibility with schedule (especially personal time)

c - forgiveness with mess-ups (food, broken equipment, clean up, etc)

d - decent pay (living wage, plus some)

e - showing, not saying (literally showing people how to do things instead of telling them)

f - zero alcohol and drug policy (no smoking, drinking, or drugs on premise anytime)

g - using technology to reduce employee stress and improve hygiene (fully automated, online reservation and payment system)

h - investing in teaching and training (not hiring and firing)

Obviously this is my hope. My employees might not have the passion and drive that I do (nor should they really, that would be weird), but I hope they see me as 'the real thing' and someone who does not *just* wants to make a buck. I hope they buy into the mission and discipline and goals of DFC as much as the customers!

Dear friends... Are you ready for a global curry revolution? Should we leave our kids, families, loved ones, farms? Should we hold hands, grab pitchforks, head to town centers and demand curry-ful bounties of spice for all?

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

dfcurry.com

may 19th, 2017

Happiness, Fire, Curry & World Domination

may 17th, 2017

cheers to great team!

Duryea Decker Griffith and Devi Randolph

may 17th, 2017

why no cash? why all digital?

may 16th, 2017

anus-free experience, curry, and world domination!

may 13th, 2017

another happy customer

may 12th, 2017

abuse, curry, and world domination

Dear Friends,

At this point, I've had all-night make-out sessions with just about everyone in the community - Lincolnville, Camden, Rockport, Rockland and Thomaston. Like the waft of fragrant polao, the love-laden mid-coast gales are tender, inviting and soft. The seeds of curry have yielded spores now implanted deeply in the flowers of the Megunticook river delta. But my dear friends, as prom night comes to a close, I know the community wants to take this relationship to the next level. And we're not going to a motel.

Before you get too worked up: I forewarn you. The fuzziness and gushiness you see in my ruddy cheeks belies the abusive and mean spirited ghost of time's past.

It all began with my first true love, Bertha. We met online. Our correspondence brewed like buffalo milk chai - creamy, dreamy, dark, and too big for life. (I am just referring to the chai and nothing else, I swear.) Eventually she left France to be with me in America. We would make noise all night into the wee hours of the Sun's awakening. Like Penguins, we would be together for life.

She bore an uncanny strength to stand beside me, taming the hoards of wild beasts I called my spices. She withstood my fiery temper. She was zen and I was zero. My madness for cooking plunged me into a moral abyss - exchanging humility and humanity for hate and "hanger". I mistreated her, and I thrashed her. I left her in the cold. I left her in the dark. I left her alone. Her obstinacy made me angry. She wouldn't bend. She would just stare. She was black and blue. I was just red. One day I lost my grip on her, and she exacted revenge by dropping dead.

The pain I felt would tip the scales of sorrow's deepest markets. Anguish. Heartbreak. Emptiness. Literally from my head to my toes.

My dear friends, as you know, I am a changed man now, even through Bertha is the same.

By the way, Bertha is my favorite culinary instrument: a high-end mineral steel pan I imported from France. I bring her to the Goodtern to cook with. She's been all over with me, and we've been through a lot together.

http://www.debuyer.com/…/…/mineral-b-element-country-fry-pan

You should know that over two billion people in South Asia make all of their meals with just one decent pot - that's all they have in their kitchen. And the food tastes delicious with just that.

But how many of them have a French lover?

Your fearless leader,

Camden Curry King,

Arif Shaikh

may 10th, 2017

magical chai - oh yes

Sonya Arguijo-Frederick:

I couldn't resist! Arif announced the arrival of his homemade chai, ginger and cardamom clove! How could I choose between the two? I couldn't!!! I have these magical treasures and I can't wait to try them! The waiting is the hardest part!!! 😖😖😖😖

may 8th, 2017

can't stop the burn

Michael Timchak:

When is your next event, Arif? I'm craving a most badass lamb burger!!

may 4th, 2017

the oh-so-good goodtern

In Elissa Bower's words: "Hella' Dang Curry"

1 - Vegan Parsnip Coconut Curry

2 - Vegan Spring Vegetable Polao

3 - Vegan Spicy Pineapple Date Chutney (looks like lamb curry, but it's not!)

Exclusively at the Good Tern!

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

may 1st, 2017

chai community event

Dearest Friends,

As your fearless leader, I know that many of you still dream of a gallivanting prince/princess to whisk you to a far away land, save you from your worldly doldrums, and peel your pomegranates under the almond eyes of a jealous moon.

The perfect antidote for this most unfortunate earthly affliction is a celestial experience. You must loose your vir-chai-nity with zero compromise and ultimate splendor.

So for those of you who haven't had the cosmic pleasure of swimming nude in a warm milky lake of paradise, I kind invite you to taste my 100% organic, 100% authentic Mamri chai - which comes in both ginger and cardamom flavors.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, nobody (especially the high end tea shops) actually understand chai. They sell you three-legged donkeys at race horse prices.

So my dear minions: There will be a community event featuring local businesses at High Mountain Hall on Sunday May 7th from 2pm-4pm, led by my friend Courtney Lanphere.

Of course, my chai will be featured, amongst other community businesses and group.

And Courtney Lanphere has agreed to kiss anyone who will try my chai. She's pretty sweet, so I've reduced the sugar I normally use.

Your Spice Sorcerer,

Arif Shaikh

april 30th, 2017

apu, marge, curry, and world domination

Dearest Minions,

Many of you have boldly enquired: "Arif, who are you?"

Allow me to take you along the treacherous, but scenic route of my mountainous journey to Maine. Let's start with the genesis.

Like all other things, it starts with a shameful secret. Well before the airing of the Simpsons, and while Homer and Marge Simpson were in the early stages of their marriage, something went drastically awry. Marge couldn't resist Apu. She was smitten by his currylicious armpits and hairy-ass chest. Furthermore, Apu's moral integrity left Homer in the dust. (Marge knew that Homer couldn't buy pornos from Apu's convenient store). But one night after overdosing on Chicken Tikka Masala, she succumbed to his arms, her heart beating like a hapless eunuch who's just been granted virility by a Sultan's genie.

Apu's innocent smile and cartoonish haircut warped Marge's moral compass like a Chinese pacemaker inside of a Russian thermonuclear magnet.

What happens when you eat curry everyday? You get a Maine Moose-like virility that puts Namibian wildebeest to shame. So Yes - Marge is my mother and Apu is my father.

I'm the illegitimate bastard child. FU2.

So ashamed by my birth, I was banished from TV, and forced to live as a real person, adopting the name "Arif Shaikh."

Understandably, I'm angrier than a wet hen in a house of cocks.

But I also shed tears knowing that Bart, Lisa and Maggie are my half-siblings and have achieved great fame and fortune from television while I eat organic cardamom custards in Maine's hinterlands.

But rest assure my minions, every dog has his day. And I see the tides turning.

Stay tuned....

Your fearless leader

Arif Shaikh

Curry King

Half-sibling of Bart Simpson

Bastard child of Apu and Marge

But also the future Governor of Maine

dfcurry.com

april 30th, 2017

a family of happy customers

Dear Friends, in light of DFC's commercial success: We've sponsored Rockland's first professional NFL team: The Spicy Curry Rockets.

Thank you Sonya Arguijo-Frederick & Family for your athletic excellence, graciousness, kind manners, and wonderful hearts!

april 29th, 2017

happy customers!

Jennifer Hafemann:

Thank you for the amazing lunch today! My daughter adored the lamb burger and the cardamom lemonade is her new favorite drink! We brought our take out burger to our friend Jon and everyone was asking what smelled so good! Looking forward to next time! -Jen, Sara and Robin

Andrew and Gina Josephs:

Not only does Arif bring to this endeavor a welcoming and positive spirit but also a special understanding of what makes great Indian food. That is, the subtle layering and combining of many spices so that with every bite the diner simultaneously experiences heat, sweetness, pungency and more...and all balanced so each complement the other, with no one flavor overwhelming the experience.

Rai Bernheim:

Arif. truly. that lamb died for a sacred cause. the donut hole. the crynamite sauce ooooozing out like a baptism. and the fries, perfectly crispy and fabulously seasoned. the lassi a magnificent counterpoint to all the glorious spice and flavor. so, so delicious. thank you for a fantastic lunch. hope you ran out of food again!

Beth Wilkas Feraco:

Not only was the lemonade to die for but the lamb burger and FF with cheesy crynomite sauce PERFECTION!!! Can't wait for the next one!! P.S I need more of that lemonade maybe a gallon a week during summer?!!😂 You Rock!! Arif Shaikh

Jocelyn Joyce:

AMAZING. I'm not a wordsmith. My friend brought me take out chicken masala while I was trapped on register at a local pharmacy. You saved my day. Delicious!

Aubrey Grant:

Thank you for a fantastic lunch today! Everything was absolutely delicious.

april 28th, 2017

hungry customers can't wait

Dearest Minions of Greater Camden,

As your fearless leader, I usually do a good job of making myself crack up with laughter. But today, I fortunately received a FB msg from Adam Maguire. He was so dying for curry, that he couldn't keep himself together - he wanted curry tonight!

As a result, I kept rereading his endearing message, knowing that the full force of curry can't really be reckoned with!

Thank you Adam Maguire

april 23rd, 2017

Burger King, Curry, and World Domination

Dear Minions of all things Spice and Nice,

In the wee hours of the morning, the embers of culinary glory slowly slipped into senescence. The marshmallows twigs burnt to a crisp, bellies stuffed, enemies plundered, furs & muskets stolen. The Megunticook river ushered the last remaining lamb innards into the Atlantic ocean with a thrashing wallop that no under-spiced mortal could reckon with.

I cozily tucked myself into a vast realm of a masala galaxy. I had fought the good fight, and now I began to dream the good dreams. The year was 1987 - a truly fortuitous year for the Shaikh Family.

That year was filled with sheer ecstasy because my brother was born. But hold on. I was a benevolent dictator, even at the age of 8. The last thing I wanted was yet another television-repressed Indian kid to face the indignity being force-fed spicy fish curry or chicken biriyani. I actually felt bad for him because the only things in life worth eating were pizza and burgers - which I only got through my federally subsidized elementary school lunches. Except this time...

As my mother recovered from labor, my father helped me (for once) make my wildest dreams become a reality. He took me to Burger King. I'm still scratching my head - wondering how this rare glimpse of sunshine penetrated the opaque clouds of parenthood. At this stage of my life, I was over the idiotically juvenile Ronald McDonalds, and I focused on real-ass shit that was unquestionable and tangible - like Hulk Hogan and The Burger King Whopper. My mother told me that Hulk Hogan ate Indian

food, but I was too smart for that. I knew Hulk Hogan liked Burger King too. Going to Burger King and getting a little brother at the same time was like moving to Maine and becoming Governor-elect 6 months later!

Fast forward exactly 20 years. The year was 2007.

Dressed in impeccable, hand tailored clothing, I met my friend Daniel Schwartz at a swanky Wall Street establishment - Smith and Wollensky's - a steak house. I had known Dan because our bosses were friends, investment partners, and wicked freakin' rich - unlike us. We both had similar pedigrees - financial analysts from good schools, working at good investment funds, trying to make it big.

Given our middle-class background we opted for $17 cheeseburgers instead of $37 steaks. We could have expensed the meals, but we didn't. We ate with great delight, staring at our Ice Cube in our Ice Tea dreaming we'd be richer than both of 'em combined. Who's your daddy now?

And at the core of our lunch meeting was a warm and lively discussion was how to take over the world. Doofuses play tic-tac-toe. We were gonna play chess. And we both wanted to be Gary Kasparov.

Fast forward a few more years.

Dan and I went our separate paths, both of us becoming global leaders.

I came to Maine - herding stray cats, embracing itinerant loafers, and occasionally winning the affection of imaginary mermaids. These rarified folks became the elusive CCTSC, Camden Curry Top Secret Club - a group of misfits and rebels who returned library books past their due date, sticking their sniffling noses high in the face of monolithic authority. Just don't f*ck with their Subarus or their love of my curries.

Dan became one of the youngest CEO of a fortune 500 company - Burger King International. He makes $2 million USD per month (including stock options), just slightly more than my salary working at the Goodtern Coop. (The reason is simple - I only work 1x per week. The scales will balance once I start working full time.)

At this time, I have no other words except from Vanilla Ice: "Yo VIP, let's kick it!"

I want to create DFC - Damn Fine Curry. I want to create the world's largest healthy, fast, and affordable Indian eating establishment. I want to eventually open hundreds of DFC's. There are over 20,000 Burger Kings and McDonalds in United States alone. So my goal shouldn't be out of line.

Unlike the fast food industry, I want to build a smart business that respects labor, supports healthy farming practices, and cuts down on waste to the extent possible.

So far, I've (1) blown warm sunshine up everyone's buttholes - a critical part of being an entrepreneur; and (2) released real products into a real marketplace - most of which has gotten great feedback.

On step 2 of step 10.

But I will work hard toward this ultimate goal, and if I fail, I know that no challenge - personal or professional - was harder than my childhood. And I'll pick another mountain to climb.

Thank you for your continued support, love and affection.

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

Curry King,

Spice Singer, &

Cardamom Crushing Champion

april 22nd, 2017

happy customers

Teisha Hufnagel:

That dinner was amazing!!! It was such a celebratory feeling and your smile was unending! We heard Christie B was an epic volunteer and we hope you stick around!!! Thank you thank you!!

Liz Smith:

Arif, king of the Curry Dominion, leader of the curry revolution, bestower of saffron honors, friend of fearless eaters, and creator of heavenly coconut lassis... THANK YOU. That was some Damn Fine Curry, friend. You warmed a million bellies and set fire to our hearts, a much needed blessing on this cold, dark, drizzly evening.

Linda Zeigler

Chaos curry supreme! More please! Congratulations Arif!

Amelia Magjik

Stuffed full of Damn Fine Curry, the hungry hungry hippo digests, awaiting a brick-and-mortar for continued gustatory adventures! No wonder you sold out, I singlehandedly ate three peoples' food!!!! 😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛

april 18th, 2017

santa claus, curry and world domination

Dearest Minions,

Many of you have complimented me on my writing.

I’m truly sorry, for I must declare a rather shameful confession: I reached the heights of my academic prowess at the tender young age of 6, and ever since then, I’ve gotten progressively more obtuse – making more dangerously wrong left turns on the road of life than a newly trained UPS driver on Christmas eve. (Isn't that how everyone ends up in Maine?)

Check this out. At the age of 6, I was blessed with a prophetic revelation about the harsh vicissitudes of life, namely that the entire human race comprised of buttholes who foolishly worshipped this disposable butt-wipe named Ronald McDonald. Well I had bad news for humanity: Ronald wasn’t gonna wipe their asses. Ronald didn’t exist!

By the time I was 6, I was already in the United States for 3 full years. I already hated my parents, loved my best friend Joshua, and wanted to celebrate Christmas with Santa Claus. Whoa.

Seriously though. My friendship with Joshua was like any other 6-year old friendship. It began with building sand castles. But that all changed when I discovered that he had cable tv, and we could watch cartoons indoors all day. So I lied to my parents and told them that I was watching the garbage truck when in reality, I was at Joshua’s apartment watching Batman cartoons (and apparently nourishing the seeds of personal death and destruction). While finally having had the chance to watch non-public TV (i.e. something other than Mr. Rogers or Reading Rainbow), something new took over my life: commercials. WOW…. So many products. So many things to buy. So many different types of toothpaste I needed. But one thing blew everything else away: Ronald McDonald.

I quickly forgot about Joshua (and obviously my parents), fell in love with an avatar: Ronald McDonald.

Even though I had never tasted McDonalds, I was head over heels in love. I loved the fries, the burgers, LOVED the Happy Meal, and of course loved Ronald McDonald. He was everything to me. Ronald McDonald was EVERYTHING.

Of course my parents would never spend any money on me, so I had to fight fire with fire to get them to take me to McDonalds. I threatened my mother that I’d poo in my pants in school, in public, if she didn’t take me. Surprisingly it worked.

(No one in my family understands logic. Brandishing nuclear armaments is the only way to get anything done in the Shaikh Household.)

So the day had finally come. I was at McDonalds, and I asked my mom to ask the clerk where Ronald McDonalds was. The clerk said “He’s not here.”

I asked my mom to ask the clerk again “Where is Ronald McDonald”, which my mother dutifully asked.

The clerk said “Ma’am he’s not here.”

I was already starting to do the 'pee-pee' dance. I was inordinately stressed.

“Mom, can you ask when Ronald McDonald is coming to the store?”

My mom followed up.

The clerk said “Ma’am he never comes to the store.”

WOW. I was REALLY pissed. Are you kidding me? Ronald McDonald never comes to McDonalds even though he’s in all the commercials?

The clerk followed up: “Ronald is just on TV.”

WOW. The nerve. Ronald McDonald was a total asshole. Humanity sucked. I was fuming. How could he do this?

Well at least I could celebrate Christmas with Santa Claus, because I did see him in the malls, so I know he exists. And Santa Claus brings Joshua lots of presents.

So I spent the rest of my childhood trying to convert my parents to Christianity. After learning the cold hard truth about Santa Claus (at the age of 18), I’m convinced the overwhelming reason they didn’t budge that whole time is because that means they would have to buy presents for me.

My parents actually loved reciting Biblical tales in glowing praise of Jesus and Moses, but the idea of spending money on toys was more acid-inducing than eating Pork Curry, a meat forbidden amongst Muslims.

It’s tough being a Shaikh.

ps: I also learned about sex-ed the same way I learned about Ronald McDonald - sneaking to my friend's house and watching videos that I wasn't supposed to watch. (Don't worry, it wasn't Joshua's house. He was a holy kid, an alter boy, and CEO of a television sanctuary for repressed Indian kids needing emergency cartoon injections.)

FYI, Jesus, Moses, Muhammed, and Bhudda would most glaringly and unanimously disapprove of those 'educational' videos.

math + homework > emotions + life

But that doesn't matter because Indian parents reproduce asexually, remember? I guess I'm just an amoeba that's really good at math (and now food & writing apparently.)

Your fearless leader & eater,

Arif Shaikh

Camden Curry King

dfcurry.com

opening night: April 22nd, 5-9pm, 421 Main St, Rockland

april 17th, 2017

high quality, low cost, curry and world domination

Dearest Minions,

Hopefully by now your mouths are salivating like monitor lizards seeing a deer carcass.

Now, allow me to entice your minds with an equally stimulating treat. You're all wondering: how can you keep prices low and quality high?

Answering such a question is nothing short of a delight. Like sipping a cold mango lassi on hot day, I want to drench your minds with sugar and spice.

Here I go:

A - High quality food

This is easy.

1- organic spices

2 - organic vegetables

3 - organic oils

4 - antibiotic free dairy and meat

5 - non-gmo bread

Organic meat and dairy would be prohibitively expensive and difficult to source. Antibiotic-free will suffice for now.

Organic bread is definitely in the works, but not selected yet.

B - Low Price Menu

This is easy too.

1 - Zero overhead staff.

No waiters, waitresses.

Just one chef + one cashier = low cost.

2 - Zero food wastage.

All curries not consumed will be refrigerated or frozen - just as my mother does it. At home she'll make polao and curry. Anything we don't eat we refrigerate or freeze and eat the next day or next week. It tastes perfect. Those are my standards. If you think yours are better, you should open up your own joint!

You can purchase refrigerated or frozen polao and curries to go!

Zero food waste = low cost.

3 - Limited menu choices.

The more choices, the more waste, the more prep time, the more risk of messing up, the more storage, the more upkeep. More choices = higher prices across the board.

Few menu items = low cost.

4 - Lots of dried fruit, nuts, spices, and vegetables

That means high nutrients and excellent flavor.

Zero refrigeration + low transport costs + long shelf life without preservatives = low cost

5 - Tiny real estate

Tiny real estate = low cost.

6 - No washable plates or silverware

No breakage, no harmful washing detergents, no prep time = low cost.

All utensils and plates will be biodegradable.

C - Excellent Service

I'm proud to say that the lowest paid person at a DFC location will make $15 per hour.

If I can't make the business work with that salary, then I won't run it.

Simple job requirements: Staff must make each customer feel like they've won the Nobel Prize every time they walk in the DFC door.

If you have any trouble understanding this, ask a Golden Retriever.

All staff should be able to breathe, smile, and work at the same time. (I will work extra hard to make the cooking and serving process extra easy.)

Breaks are most welcome - anytime you want.

D - Sharing the love

All of our signature curries will not only be at our location for consumption, but can also be taken home (frozen or refrigerated).

Furthermore, our signature Crynamite Sauce, signature Chai Blends, and signature MightyMasala will all be for sale so that you can make your own goodness at home.

Caring + Sharing = Profit

That's it!

Cheers to (a distant shot at) World Domination,

Your Fearless Curry King,

Arif Shaikh

ps: Stay tuned for part III of the Curry Trilogy: The Curry Empire Strikes Back: Complete and Udder World Domination!

april 16th, 2017

labor rights, curry, and world domination!

Dearest Dwarfs of the Curry Empire,

Many of you are 'relieved' that I'm opening up a restaurant at 421 Main St. in Rockland, formerly The Broken Egg.

Don't be. This is a trial run. If it goes well, I'll make food offerings on a regular basis. But please do come anytime between 5pm and 9pm on Saturday April 22nd for a fabulous meal at a reasonable price!

You're now wondering, "Arif, if your food is so good why are you being so cautious?".

Dearest Minions, it's never been about the food. I know I can make great food. It's about the workers. I want to compensate workers well - in terms of money, graciousness, and dignity. Food made without love is called shame. And I will never sell shame.

Anyone can make money by cheating, stealing, or underpaying workers. It's takes a true leader to create a service that benefits everyone - the community, the staff, the customers, and the owners of the business. That's really hard.

I feel very strongly about this issue because of my upbringing.

When my family immigrated to the United States in the early 1980's, we had absolutely nothing. My father made $300 per month as a stipend while he was a Physics PhD student at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. That's not enough to support a family. So my mother had to clean toilets to make ends meet. This is difficult for anyone, but especially difficult for her.

First of all, one of the most despicable aspects of Indian culture is a universal disdain for laborers, regardless of religious background. In Europe and the United States, labor is accorded relatively more respect - both in terms of societal acceptance, but also in terms of legal code. In India, laborers are chewed up and spit out, like Pan Masala (look it up). There are plenty of laws that protect laborers, but none of them are enforceable. If you're middle class or upper class, you would

never consider a 'laborer' a friend and God forbid you have one over for dinner or have your child go to school with theirs. That would be a travesty of justice and an act of shame. Trust me, I'm puking all over my keyboard as I write this. But because of this shame, my mother had to hide her 'work' from family in India, but also the Indian community in Wisconsin.

Second of all, to add salt to an open wound, my mother came from a gilded background. Her father (my grandfather) was a Yale-School-of-Forestry-educated academic, and a high falutin' Indian government official . My dad's family were poor farmers. But my mother had every single thing an Indian person could dream of - endless sneakers in a land of sandals, endless frozen ice cream in a land of steaming chai. Plus servants, cars, entertainment, travel, etc. Watching her clean toilets in the

United States was akin to watching the marble and gold Taj Mahal crumble like a sand castle. It was debilitating for her. I don't remember much of this, but I do remember my mom giving me old mayonnaise jars filled with juice as I played in the houses that she cleaned. We couldn't afford a "HI-C" juice disposable drink. Everyone was 'rich' compared to us. I remember getting the occasional gift of a toy or piece of candy from a 'rich' person.

Of course my parents always fought about two things (1) money and (2) relatives. We didn't drink alcohol. We didn't smoke. We didn't do drugs. We never purchased medication. We never borrowed money. We never bought new clothes, except for Eid, the holiday after Ramadan. We never ate out, except for once-in-a-month Chinese place. And when we did eat out, soda was banned - because that costs money. Every fight started with my mom asking whether we could afford a trip back to India to see

relatives. Let me make Indian family life simple for you: Money + relatives = Nuclear Bomb. It was like watching nunchuck toting ghosts rise up from the graveyard to fight fire breathing dragons. Everything was on the table, and no bridge would remain unburned. It took nearly 7 years of cleaning toilets (and Mortal Kombat re-enactments) to afford our first family trip back to India.

Every single penny mattered. One time a 'rich' person refused to pay my mom for cleaning. Our family couldn't do anything because we were worried about having our permanent residency status revoked - even if we did nothing wrong. I still think about that. We were just the water buffalo, life held the yoke.

From my childhood, I took away two lessons (1) Frugality, and (2) Respect for labor.

I quickly forgot lesson (1) after graduating from an Ivy League school and working on Wall Street. But living in Maine has definitely brought me closer to my roots.

Having purchased lots of material goods in my twenties, I'm perfectly happy living in a tiny house, wearing sweat pants, barbecuing lamb, making friends, and grabbing life by the Pashmina.

But I still remember lesson (2). I have a tremendous respect for labor. For many industries, and restaurants in particular, labor is just a pinata, and profit is the party.

I hate that.

And I will change that.

Stay tuned for Part II - Arif Shaikh: Most Glorious Restaurant Principles for World Domination

april 13th, 2017

announcement: beauty pageant winner!

Dear Respected Member of the CCTSC*,

Three most exquisite, genderless and cherubic creations of humankind entered into a grueling beauty contest. We have a winner and we're afraid of civil unrest.

The state of Maine will be a state of lockdown as blood and champagne flow into the busted seams of LL Bean boots from the hearts of souls of mortals who wear recycled Carhartt jackets.

Rockland, Camden and Lincolnville vied to be in the inner sanctum of the CCTSC. Each of these beauties lusted for nothing more than a grand (chili) powder room, flanked by guards with (saffron) epaulettes, ushered into a limitless universe of (cardamon) emeralds.

Camden prided itself on its munificent public facilities, a splendorous harbor, and abundance of MILFs (or Maharajas I'd like to freak).

Rockland prided itself on its bustling downtown, a magnificent coop, and egregious number of of BFF addicts (or Badam Butterflies Forever - see dfcurry.com).

Lincolnville prided itself on its sprawling woodlands, frequent Bigfoot sightings, and an 8:00pm mandatory town-wide bedtime, often enforced by a cup of warm chai from dfcurry.com.

It's with great pleasure that the CCTSC has announced a winner: ROCKLAND!

On April 22, there will be an opening event for DFC in a top secret location in Rockland, Maine.

Stay tuned....

* CCTSC stands for Camden Curry Top Secret Club. The board may or may not change the name depending on what town (Rockland, Camden, or Lincolnville) produces an arranged marriage for me. When that happens, I want to ride in on an elephant. But don't worry, there can be a compromise. As your first Indian Governor-elect, I will repopulate Maine with genetically modified elephant-moose hybrids. Are we clear?

april 13th, 2017

lovin' the goodtern

100% organic, 100% delicious, 100% Dreamy & Creamy Vegetable Tikka Masala.

Available Exclusively at the Goodtern tomorrow, Friday April 14th!

All organic Ingredients include asparagus, red peppers, zucchini, potatoes, carrots, onion, garlic, cream, butter, and over 20 ingredients in Crynamite.

Thank you Elissa Bower!

april 11th, 2017

setting global standards

Dear Friends,

You've warmed my heart with your responses regarding my potential Indian food joint.

In your yearning for a brighter future, many of you suggested that I take over a 5,000 square foot restaurant, buy a naan oven with a well-trained Indian dwarf/naan baker, convert an abandoned gas station, or wait months until another restaurant moves from its current location.

In my yearning for a brighter future, I want mermaids to jump out of Camden harbor and make love to me all night long. I want them to bring a tray of peeled grapes and play the harpsichord. A small ballet dance would be nice too. Large bosoms are optional.

In our desire to reach an amicable (and realistic) solution, let me reaffirm the desires of humankind and clarify how DFC (dfcurry.com) can get us there.

People want food (1) Fast and (2) Cheap. They want food fast and cheap so bad that they're willing to poison themselves, their kids, and the environment. That's why the fast food industry serves 1 billion people per day.

But it's NOT right to shame those people. People don't have time and don't have money. No family can afford to spend $25 per plate for a meal on a regular basis. No family can afford to spend 1 1/2 hours at a sit down place on a regular basis.

I will NEVER open a full service Indian restaurant that serves 'OK' food for $100+ per family.

I would LOVE to open a take out Indian joint that serves literally the highest quality food in the world for far less than $10 per serving.

I want to serve food that people can eat 2x every damn day.

One of the greatest joys in selling food out of the trunk of my car in Mason jars at the Camden Post Office on Sunday mornings was that inside I knew that I was kicking the f*cking a$$holes of expensive Indian restaurants.

I was selling higher quality food than you would find at any restaurant in London or NYC. I was buying organic spices, organic nuts, and organic tomatoes at the Good Tern. No restaurant would do that.

Here's the bottom line:

1 - I want a tiny-ass location with a commercial kitchen.

2 - I want to serve exceptionally high quality food.

3 - I want to sell at exceptionally low prices.

4 - I want to use the least packaging possible.

That means take-out with recycled paper packaging. Find me a location. This is a command, not a suggestion.

Understand, my dear minions?

Do you feel the love from your fearless leader?

Peace, love and spice,

Arif Shaikh

Camden Curry King

Governor-elect of Maine

Leader of the Free World

Liberator of Spices

april 11th, 2017

another happy customer!

Ann Flagg Campbell:

People put down your coffee and other caffeine laden drinks Arif has created the best energy drink ever with the Badam Butterfly! I finally got around to getting 4 today and not only are they delicious energizing and so healthy but they are huge too look at how much is left after I filled my glass 😊

Thanks Arif I'm thoroughly enjoying this you can put me down for 4 more next week and curry too I'll let you know for sure by Friday 🦋

april 10th, 2017

the start of an empire

Dear Friends,

I'd like a shot at creating a high quality, affordable and fast Indian food experience. And I need a retail location in midcoast Maine to create (what I hope is) the first branch of DFC - damn fine curry, an Indian fast and healthy food joint.

If you know anyone with commercial retail space, please reach out to me.

Almost two billion people in the Indian Subcontinent (Afghanistan, Pakistan, India, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and the Maldives) eat local organic food for less than $2 per day.

So perhaps American-Indian food can also be delicious and affordable. Curries are superfoods - they can be frozen, refrigerated, and thawed without losing their integrity.

Here's what I'm thinking DFC can be about:

(1) Staple Indian Foods

These are foods (with some variation) that 99% of people from South Asia eat every day. My mother makes these foods at home all the time.

Notably missing is roti, a simple unleavened bread, a fish curry, and a vegetable curry. Roti and fish and vegetable curries are time and cost prohibitive at my scale right now. (Also, Indian eat chicken curry, not chicken tikka masala in the Western sense.)

Here is a sample menu, with prices all less than $10.

a - polao (dairy free)

b - chicken tikka masala

c - lamb curry (dairy free)

d - lentil curry (vegan)

e - chickpea curry (vegan)

f - masala lamb burger

g - masala chickpea burger (vegan)

h - crynamite fries (vegan or non-vegan option)

h - ginger chai

i - cardamom chai

j - almond coconut lassi (vegan)

k - cardamon custard (vegan)

l - dry ginger and cardamom chai for sale

m - mightymasala for sale

n - crynamite for sale

(2) Highest Quality Foods

I will only use antibiotic free meats, free range eggs, organic spices, organic oils, and organic vegetables.

(3) Family Affordable

Families don't think twice about how much McDonalds costs. A family should never think twice about DFC.

(4) Environmentally Friendly

Minimal packaging. All recycled, brown paper.

(5) Fast

Food will served either hot, refrigerated or frozen. You should get your food in minutes.

(6) Take-out only

I want to charge for food, not real estate.

Please let me know your thoughts, and if you can give me any leads or help!

Regards,

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

april 9th, 2017

food, business, curry and world domination!

Dearest Saplings,

Many of you have asked: "When are you opening up an eating establishment?"

My greatest fears have come true. Attracted to the scents of a floral nectars, the curry bees have swarmed the forest looking for a sanctuary of saffron petals. Like a Indian father with a single daughter above the age of 25, "hope" is defined as a 5 o'clock shadow. Barely there, but about to vanish with no groom in sight.

(I don't know why Indian parents get so worked up. Everyone knows they reproduce asexually, like amoebas. Based on my upbringing, I'm 100% convinced that my parents never did anything more than grunt at each other, which they still do. The only thing better than watching the July 4th fireworks is watching my parents eyebrows while they fight.

Just so you know, the last time my father smiled was 1985, a few years after immigrating to the US. He found a $1,000 bill in a used coat he bought in a yard sale for $6.00. After three gas stations told him they don't accept monopoly money, he went to Kmart to buy a map to find out where the state of Monopoly was. We lived in the State of Wisconsin at the time. I won't delve further into this. But needless to say, I was banned from board games for life. Poo Poo. Poo. That's why I didn't get a PhD in Physics.)

So back to the original question: In a prior life, I was an investment analyst. That means you wear expensive belt buckles and know how to analyze companies, but have absolutely no other redeeming qualifications.

Here are my thoughts on the food industry as it relates to dfcurry.com:

Food Truck: NO

1 - I'm not a hamster. I don't like running around in a closed space.

2 - I hate diesel. Except for Shaquille O'Neil, and he's diesel.

3 - I don't want a series of one-nighters. I want a long-term relationship with my customer base who can always count on me to be there. Like dinner on the table when you get home from work. Pshya-right!.

Super expensive 5-star restaurant: NO

1 - The Michelin rating system is total horse manure. There is no way some crusty judges can fairly evaluate food that they have no basis to weigh. I'll let the public evaluate me.

2 - Fancy pants restaurants waste more food than McDonalds. If a customer pays $60 for a glass of wine and $6 for one freaking oyster, it's economically irrelevant to throw out a pound of carrots. I hate wasting food.

3 - I don't want to charge customers for castles, I want to charge for curries. Half your meal fare shouldn't go towards a restaurant's rent payments (like your salary in NYC towards housing or your paycheck towards Whole Foods).

Hole-In-The Walls: NO

1 - I actually like a lot of the foods at the hole-in-the-wall type of restaurants. But I go reluctantly, because I don't like 'ickiness'.

2 - Sorry, they're just icky. As I get older, I get picky.

Traditional middle-tier restaurants: NO

1 - The Olive Gardens and Red Lobsters of the world are bad business models. Customers are price sensitive and the corporate owner needs to make a buck. So customers pay reasonable prices, but food staff get kicked in the butt day after day. The food quality itself is mediocre at best.

2 - Unfortunately most Indian restaurants fall into this category. You're serving food to price sensitive customers. Your overhead is high (heat, rent, salary, electricity, etc). You can't afford the best spices. You lower portions of the expensive spices like cardamom and cloves, and increase portions of the cheap spices like salt and low quality oil. You can't take the requisite time to make a dish - even chai or rice. The food is often good, but not great. There is food coloring in everything!

Online shop: YES

1 - They're scalable and they have low overhead. But obviously there are huge limitations to what you can sell.

2 - Also, despite ratings and reviews, you don't really know your customer.

Fast Food: YES, with obvious restrictions

1 - I hate grease, preservatives, excess salt, excess sugar and packaging, treatment of animals and the environment - KFC's and McDonalds of the world. But I do like food fast.

2 - There is a new category of 'healthy' fast food places that I like. You get good food at a good price decently fast - Clover, B.Good.

Catering: NO

1 - I just hate catering (to anybody except members of the CCTSC!). I'm a fearless leader!

Industrial Supplier: YES

1 - I would like to produce curries industrially with excellent ingredients, in an environmentally safe manner and sell those curries to restaurants or food suppliers. But the market for curry is not yet developed enough for that.

2 - The staff at two Flatbread locations used Crynamite on their pizzas. They loved it enough to bring it to the head office. But the head office opted to use their internally produced lower quality sauce. Grrrr!

So where does that leave me? Crying hopelessly, kind of like being banned from playing Monopoly.

Stay tuned...

Plans are in the works!

Mark this day: April 9th, 2017.

In a few years, history classes in America will refer to this day as the beginning of a 'Curry Coup' - the day a benevolent dictator from an Indian village took over kitchens across America from the armchair capital of Facebook.

Triumph alas!

Arif Shaikh

april 7th, 2017

tandoori spice mix

Just made the most delicious 100% organic, 100% nutritious, 100% delicious Tandoori Spice mix. Saving humanity ain't easy, but it's delicious

april 7th, 2017

crynamite chickpea coconut raisin burger

This morning I awoke with a new found promise of world domination. Like a Spanish Matador, I held the spice bull's horns and subdued a large beast with a nothing more than soft whisper and gentle touch. Dear Friends, I just made a 100% organic, 100% vegan, 100% nutritious, 100% delicious Crynamite Chickpea Coconut Raisin Burger.

Wow.... it's damn good.

april 6th, 2017

another happy customer

Jeff Spera:

Many thanks Arif Shaikh ! The energy drink you so graciously bestowed upon me this foggy morning engaged the emergence of celestial wings , and an effortless immense Force whisked me up to palatial Heights freeing and uniting my essence with all love and opulence. Perfectly placed at the 18 karat gate to the school of culinary curryculum, my soul smilès.

april 5th, 2017

curry powder and garam masala and world domination

Dearest Minions,

Many of you are glowing about my recent ascension to the apex of political stardom.

Don't worry - I've assumed political leadership flawlessly. My cronies and I are already smoking cigars hand-wrapped in your taxpayer hundo's. And I'm using free prison labor to herd the goats I promised you.

As I replace one malady for another in the name of social progress, let me at least put an end to just one evil travesty eating the core of humanity: Curry Powder and Garam Masala.

Please lend me your ears, free and clear of wax and emotional baggage.

Curry Powder and Garam Masala are false concepts, like a square circle or a 2-dimensional line. These two evil twins have somehow entered into American homes in the dead of the night, and impregnated even the most virginal kitchens with absolute impunity. Someone call 911, like now.

Inside the Tootsie Pop of life, there is a sweet Indian curry revelation.

(1) If you know how to make curry, you'll never buy Curry Powder or Garam Masala. (You'll make them yourself, from scratch.)

(2) If you don't know how to make curry, your curry will most likely suck if you try to use Curry Powder or Garam Masala.

People of Indian origin don't ever buy Curry Powder and very rarely buy Garam Masala. They make their own, often together not separately.

Curry Powder is essentially a mix of bitters (coriander, turmeric, cumin, fenugreek). It is a popular word invented by the same geniuses who said Christopher Columbus was the first person to discover America.

Garam Masala is a essentially mix of sweets (peppercorns, cloves, cinnamon, mace, cardamom, bay leaf). "Garam" means hot and "Masala" means spice.

Curry Powder is not all bitter, and Garam Masala is not all sweet. They're a fiery couple, but they are pleasant and nice to each other in both public and private.

If you really want to make curry, learn to mix the individual components yourself. And it's not just mixing, it's knowing what to grind, how finely, when to press the brakes, when to press the accelerator - like a high school dance.

You also have to learn what to toast, what to fry, what to bake, and what to dry or use raw or fresh.

Most people who use Curry Powder and Garam Masala to make curry think they're swimming in open water when they're really riding a bike with training wheels (in a sweltering tar pit.)

Also Curry Powder and Garam Masala are not meant to sprinkled on anything. They are meant to be cooked with the food itself.

dfcurry.com will never make a Curry Powder or Garam Masala because I don't believe people should use them. If you actually know how to use them, well then I'll be damned - make them yourself! You can do it!

MightyMasala is the undoing of a globally ignorant spice monster that has its fingers wedged deeply inside you.

MightyMasala is akin to Salt & Pepper: a sprinkle-on spice that makes everything nice. Except Salt & Pepper is a Lego tricycle, and MightyMasala is a carbon fiber racing bike.

Don't compare MightyMasala to Curry Powder or Garam Masala.

Because if you do, I'll banish you from the CCTSC an imprison you in a vat of Monosodium Glutamate.

Slap!

Your udderly excited Governor-elect,

Arif Shaikh

dfcurry.com: MightyMasala - 24 organic herb and spices, the best salt & pepper replacement humanity will ever see.

april 4th, 2017

mighty masala & minions

Dear Minions,

World domination has been packaged and ready to be shipped worldwide. MightyMasala is result of 24 vegetables, herbs, and spices that make everything you eat better. Like salt and pepper, but more delicious and nutritious.

Like a Trojan Horse, once MightyMasala get inside the hearts of humankind, an infectious and contagious joy will proceed to overtake the corpus like a benevolent venom of justice.

You fearless leader,

Arif shaikh

april 3rd, 2017

running for governor

Dear Friends, I'll be announcing my official candidacy for Maine Governor tomorrow April 4th.

My platform is simple: everyone in Maine will get a pet goat if I'm elected. Furthermore, you can choose either a dairy or meat goat - entirely your choice.

Let's celebrate: Come to Ebantide Restaurant for all you can eat lamb-burgers for $10, with a $5 salad upgrade. April 4th, starting at 5pm.

All lamb burgers will be seasoned with MightyMasala and all fries will be drenched with Cheddar Crynamite.

dfcurry.com

april 2nd, 2017

another happy customer!

Jocelyn Tracy:

Breaking my no caffeine rule today with some cardamom chai...totally worth it. Wind couldn't resist sprinkling mightymasala on his French toast this morning. Not being as adventurous I'm sticking with mightymasala marinated tofu to go with our tikka dinner. Another household converted. Thanks Curry King!

april 1st, 2017

hard work, curry, and world domination!

Dear Minions,

Listen up, especially if you're still in school. There are two bulletproof ways to master anything: (1) observation, and (2) practice.

"Practice" is often touted by sports players, musicians, chefs, scholars, technicians, professionals, and teachers.

"Observation" is often overlooked, quite regrettably.

I learned to cook by observing my mother over for 3 decades. I spent decades observing, and just a few years practicing.

I can't tell you how much you can learn by observation. It's not just seeing. It's tasting, feeling, touching, smelling, hearing.

It's both analytical (thinking critically about portions, weights, temperatures, mass, and size) but intuitive and improvisational (learning to substitute spices, pots & pans, oils, cooking environments, raw ingredients).

A highly trained monkey can follow a recipe. But what separates human from beast is the ability to create the recipe.

Academically, this very notion had a deep and lasting impact in my life. Although I studied math in school, I often felt like a fake. I would follow the formulas without having a clear understanding of how I could derive them from scratch. I still feel bad about it now - decades later.

Professionally, I vowed I would never just 'do' something without understanding it 100%. I spent so much time observing financial statements, that I could almost construct a complex financial model in my head before transferring digits to an excel sheet. Even to this day, my friends at leading business schools still ask me to send them financial models I built 10+ years ago. I have a very strong intuitive sense of when something is out of place - even if it's one decimal on a spreadsheet of thousands of numbers. Observation is a powerful force!

When it comes to cooking, I apply a similar discipline. When I make spices, chais, curries or desserts, I must be able to define the formulas from scratch and understand them fully in my head. If I have to look up a recipe, weight, portion size, or temperature, I would consider myself to be an abysmal failure and shame to humanity.

I hate being ashamed of myself.

So I'm constantly in 'observation' mode. I'm constantly observing my magical concoctions as I make them.

Cooking is a simple graph of "time" vs. "taste". Time is the "x" variable, independent. Taste is the "y" variable, dependent on "x".

The line should go from "taste = bitter & weird" at "Time = 0", to "taste = freaking damn awesome" at "time = finish".

The difficulty with Indian cooking is that it's not a straight line. It's not linear - it's a step function with curves. Hence to understand the formula, you have to observe the curvature of the line at discrete intervals. You can't just look at the formula.

Before the age of mass production, regulation, capitalism, consumerism, and rubber-stamp universities, people learned through apprenticeships. You learned by observing people. My mother was the engine, my family was the train, and I was the caboose. I observed, just observed.

Dear friends, especially those of you in school: Observe, and you'll see how much you can learn in life!

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

march 29th, 2017

another happy customer!

Briar Lyons:

This makes the entire house so happy. Thank you Arif Shaikh, for providing our community with something we've been missing from our midcoast lives!

march 26th, 2017

another happy customer!

Beth Wilkas Feraco:

Arif Shaikh saved me today!!! I ran 12 miles this AM and went to the CO OP to feed my RUNGRY Self and low and behold we crossed paths and I asked about your famous Badam Butterfly that I've been eager to try and you had some in your car!!! Just what I needed to replenish my body!! It is INCREDIBLE!! Thank you!!!! Yes I'm still wearing sunglasses in my house because I could not do anything else but drink this!!😂🌟⚡

march 25th, 2017

crynamite withdrawal

Dearest Friends, many of you are having Crynamite withdrawal syndrome: constantly twitching, being grumpy, argumentative, etc.

Good News: Doctor is in the house. Crynamite has been made and it's ready for your consumption. I'll have some on Sunday morning, at our fundraiser for Ann Flagg Campbell. This Thursday afternoon, I'll also make a batch at the Goodtern.

Warning: it's a little extra hot this time. If my curry is ever too hot or spicy for you, please feel free to fold in cream, yogurt, or coconut milk.

march 23rd, 2017

NYC, Maine, Curry and World Domination

Dear Friends,

Many of you know that I lived in NYC for a long time. I still have many friends there.

When they come home from work they slip on loafers imported from Italy, eat figs imported from Turkey, and cavort with beautiful women imported from all over the world.

When I come home from work in Maine, I slip on locally made wool socks, eat local organic yogurt and sometimes I'll call a local girl or two who will laugh at my jokes.

Unfortunately those girls lost their ability to ovulate decades ago. And so my sweet dreams of repopulating Maine with little joyous balls of Tikka Masala have been burnt to a crisp like a Pop Tart in a tandoori oven.

But lo and behold: Intense despair is often met with an intense rainstorm, followed singing, dancing, and a wedding of grand proportions.

Oh I forgot, I'm not in a Bollywood movie. I'm in Maine. Ok rewind. While I await a Maine girl to fall haplessly into my arms, please note that I've started to wear a flannel shirt bought from a consignment store and I only drink out of a recycled Mason Jar, obviously with a smudged 'local honey' sticker.

I regularly babysit cats to supplement my income, supporting my lavish tofu Crynamite and Ginger Chai diet. On rare occasion, I can afford a locally grown apple.

Faced with a bleak reality and manifestly humbled by my lack of progeny (or any prospect thereof), I have turned to something so powerful and addicting, it's actually forbidden.

No, not alcohol, drugs or blues music. I've turned to the only thing I can count on: MightyMasala.

When I eat MightyMasala, my heart rumbles and tumbles like a pubescent rooster in a house of hens.

There are 24 organic dried vegetables, herbs, and spices in MightyMasala. It takes absolutely delicious and it's far more nutritious and flavorful than Salt & Pepper. The ingredients including everything from Anise to Turmeric.

It tastes freaking amazing on eggs, burgers, chicken, tofu, veggies, even just licking it out of a jar.

I'm not even going to tout the health benefits, can you imagine just eating 24 different types of vegetables, herbs, and spices everyday at almost every meal?

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

PS - I forgot, MightyMasala is also 100% organic!

march 23rd, 2017

ode to mightymasala and informality

dfcurry.com

check out the 24 organic ingredients that will make you feel like a better, healthier, happier, more rosy-cheeked, and starry-eyed you!

yes, you can blush. you can be appropriate at school, work, with family and friends. but this is the CCTSC - an organization that will liberate the world from the wrought iron shackles of formality - and I am your fearless leader. be free, be brave, be mighty.

mightymasala!

march 21st, 2017

Another happy customer!

Elizabeth Senders:

YUM! Thank you for the delivery today!!! I'd say we licked our plates (crynamite over chicken and jasmine rice) but we actually had not just 2nd but 3rds too, so at that point, there was no need! Can't wait to make chai tomorrow!

march 20th, 2017

chai-crazy!

Erica Williger Gates:

Ok everyone.....just brewed my first cup of deliciousness......I can't explain the goodness.....I used stevia in the raw and followed all of Arif's wonderful directions. Super-Dee-duper!!!

march 19th, 2017

Indian vs European Seasoning

Dear Friends,

You now know me as the Camden Curry King. Allow me to edify your understanding of the universe. Let me introduce you to MightyMasala: The world's first Indian seasoning. Everything about this is a complete irony, and it's nothing short of fabulous.

Background:

At supermarkets, there are Italian, French, Cajun, and Spanish seasonings - lightly salted, pleasant, and flavorful to taste. Sprinkle on food after cooking, and it's delicious. Salt and pepper are the most common seasonings.

At supermarkets, there is no Indian 'seasoning'. The only Indian kind of 'seasoning' is Curry Powder - bitter, unpleasant, and despicable to taste. Amongst Indians, there is no concept of a 'seasoning' - a casual sprinkle of spice after the food has cooked.

Why? Generally and broadly speaking: Europeans add spice to food. Indians add food to spice.

In Europe: you FINISH cooking pasta, then you add spice (such as pepper, lemon zest, and dried herb). result: deliciousness!

In India: you START by adding spice (such as cardamom, cloves, or cumin) then you add rice and cook together. result: deliciousness!

Obviously there are exceptions, but it makes sense. Adding turmeric, cumin, paprika, chili, ginger, garlic, fenugreek, cumin, bay leaf, cinnamon, or cloves to an Indian dish after it's cooked is disgusting and absurd. Indian spices need to be chopped, ground, marinated, cooked, toasted, and/or fried with the food to be enjoyed.

But not anymore.

Being true geniuses, the food scientists at dfcurry.com have made a breakthrough.

dfcurry.com has created the world's first Indian seasoning: MightyMasala. Aimed at replacing Salt & Pepper, MightyMasala is a pulverized blend of 23 organic dried vegetables, herbs, and spices found in Indian cuisines.

It's like salt and pepper, but that's so black and white. It's the 21st century. People want depth and color. You got it now.

MightyMasala is versatile: It can be used on ground meat patties (Chef Ean Flannigan will use this on lamb on April 4th), eggs, salads, soups, sandwiches, steaks, kabobs, fish, chicken, meat, veggie burgers, mayonnaise, ketchup, fries, pizza, pasta, lasagnas, etc.

You can either cook with it or sprinkle it on your food of choice.

MightyMasala is NOT a Curry Powder, and it never will be.

MightyMasala is a 100% organic, delicious and nutritious Salt & Pepper replacement.

But don't take my word for it!

Next Sunday, I'll make omelettes for everyone - it's my honor, no cost to you. You'll try this with your omelette and you'll feel the spices from your nostrils to your toes. You don't have to shower that day. MightyMasala will cleanse you!

Your fearless leader,

Arif

march 19th, 2017

friends from Boston

Hossam Attaya:

I know Arif Shaikh from boston and without a doubt his chai and curry are the best I've ever had, truly world class!!! Come back to Massachusetts Arif!!!

march 18th, 2017

pop up at ebantide

Dear Friends,

Every now and then a human is born with unnatural abilities. You may have heard of people who can part seas, resurrect the dead, or ascend into the heavens. My claim to fame is that I can grind tree stumps simply by farting on them.

Such vigor and vitality did not come easily. I survived a rather spartan upbringing, learning to whisper to spices and listen to aromas. I forgot my woes every time my mother fed me.

Like a determined sprout in acidic soil, I have grown healthy and strong by absorbing nutrients, avoiding toxins, and learning to adapt.

My dear saplings, one day you too shall grind tree stumps with egregious farts. But let's start by feeding you with delicious, nutritious food.

$10 ebantide + dfcurry.com lamburger buffet + local artists

You can expect:

(1) mightymasala lamb-burgers + crymamite cheese fries

(2) additional $5 salad buffet option

Chef Ean Michael Flannigan is the chef of Ebantide, one of Camden's finest eating establishments.

Chef Ean will prepare a gourmet lamb-burger, fries and a house salad for you.

The lamb-burger and cheese dip will be a masterful blend of his Irish heritage and my Indian heritage. Chef Ean will exclusively use MightyMasala and Crynamite from dfcurry.com

MightyMasala is a 100% organic, 100% vegan dry seasoning with over 20 different organic herbs, organic vegetables and organic spices.

Crynamite is a 100% organic, 100% vegan simmer sauce with over 20 different organic herbs, organic vegetables and organic spices.

Both MightyMasala and Crynamite can be used on anything, except your genitals.

Additionally,

All local artists are welcome to bring their work, either for show or sale. You will keep 100% of the proceeds. There will be a guaranteed place for you. Ebantide is a large, beautiful place. Sharing is caring.

The goal is to have the most fun Tuesday in Maine's history.

march 18th, 2017

dissapearing chai at post office

Like an angel's sob on the plate of hell, the Organic Ginger Chai and Organic Cardamom Chai evaporated in seconds.

I've placed call to the Prime Minister of India to order some more. I should be expecting a delivery via goat/elephant/mule in a few days.

march 17th, 2017

cardamom chai vs ginger chai

True story: I was at a party today. Every single person loved the Organic Cardamom Clove Chai. Arista Holden had a few sips and said "this is the best Organic Ginger Chai I've ever had". wow... I guess there are some people I'll never quite get.

Taylor Ackerman - at least you understand!

march 17th, 2017

chai rumblings

Dearest Friends: all special order tea leaves & spices are in.

I could vent endlessly about chai, but please trust me: 99% of the chai you see in markets not something that a person of Indian origin would happily drink and call "chai". They won't drink it because almost all tea vendors use the wrong tea leaf and and wrong spices.

You can find the right tea leaves and spices at an Indian store, but they will not be organic or first quality.

I would like to present to you (1) 100% organic Mamri tea leaves with 100% Cardamon & Cloves and (2) 100% organic Mamri tea leaves with 100% Organic Ginger.

Every dfcurry.com product is first quality. Notice how beautiful the organic leaves are rolled and how nicely cut and shaped the organic spices are.

I sourced the leaves from the West Jalinga Estate in India, and I sourced the Cardamon, Cloves and Ginger from various organic coops and markets. Everything is hand mixed.

Each Mason Jar of Chai is one pint, or 32 tablespoons and costs $15.00

The instructions are super clear:

1 - Take 1/2 cup of water

2 - Take 1/2 cup of milk

3 - Mix water and milk

4 - Put one heaping tablespoon of chai into mix

5 - Heat and boil

6 - After boiling 4 minutes, let chai cool one minute

7 - Strain and serve. Add sweetener as desired.

There will be an emergency chai drop off at the Camden Post Office at 9:00am on Saturday morning.

Your fearless leader,

Arif

march 14th, 2017

Chai House of Cards

Dear Respected Members of the CCTSC,

I'm mad at the world today. Not because of the storm. But because everyone consumes chai the wrong way.

Nowadays, consuming so-called "chai" in a tea bag or even as loose leaf is an utterly despicable atrocity. This travesty of justice has found a warm, inviting home in frail hearts of millions of lemmings called humans. I'm done. I'm angry. I'm going to change the world.

When you drink so-called "chai", you're basically hooking up in a public bathroom! This very quick and dirty act of intimacy spoils the very purpose of intimacy. Stop!

I'm going to change this once and forever.

1 - People use the wrong tea leaves, even high end tea shops.

2 - People over-spice their chai with the wrong spices. I'm being a little caustic, but trust me on this.

3 - People water as the base and then casually adds milk (dairy or non-dairy based.) Wrong. It's the opposite. Steep the chai in milk, then add water as necessary.

Because people do at least of one these things incorrectly, chai almost unfailingly and universally sucks, except mine.

What ticks me of the most is that tea brands obfuscate their tea by opaque packaging, often provide more packaging than tea!

I wish to invite you to the lair of the captain himself. Drink my tea, live my life, feel my joy!

My dear friends. I drink at least 3 cups of chai per day. Ginger chai, Cardamom Chai, and Saffron chai (for special occasions).

Who wants in?

march 10th, 2017

bollywood fairy

Dear Underlings,

Milking a cat is a fruitless exertion that most people call "life" - tiny nipple, no milk.

As your fearless leader, I only suckle the bursting teats of a royal Queen. For the record, "Queen" is the name of my Nigerian Dwarf Goat. She has cosmically sized udders and she flourishes in a fertile constellation far way called "My Imagination."

Your feeble limbs can not bear the jagged edges of that treacherous galaxy.

I will not honor you with an imaginary visa nor regale you with a magic carpet ride, but I will happily offer you a glimpse.

Check out the next line from dfcurry.com , "The Bollywood Fairy", which will be featured at Fireside's Crynamite Pizza Buffet night on March 14th.

The Bollywood Fairy is a 100% organic, 100% delicious, 100% vegan, and 100% virgin sweet drink infusion.

You can add the Bollywood Fairy to a B-52, Pina Colada, a Rum-and-Coke or a glass of warm milk, hot chocolate, coffee or even a glass of cold water. You can feed your baby a Bollywood Fairy.

It's like going to India and smooching a Bollywood star, sans onion breath. Why suck on a cat's nipple when you can just have a Bollywood Fairy?

See you March 14th at Fireside, 6:30pm, 7 Public Landing, Camden ME

march 5th, 2017

crynamite pizza

Dear Minions,

This is your fearless eater. Lost in a sea of despair and whipped by the winds of hope, you are nothing but a ravaged soul caught between two humping humpbacks.

Appropriately named "demise" and "glory", they bite and kiss your necks. And you hate hickies.

Fear not my dear saplings, for wounds suffered at the feet of determination are assuaged by hands of splendor. Welcome to Fireside + Crynamite!

On March 14, restaurateur Benjamin Curtis, leader of the GOP ("Godfathers of Pizza"), will make history. Mr. Curtis will produce Crynamite Pizzas in his sprawling utopia known as Fireside Restaurant.

Underneath Mr. Curtis' waterfall of benevolence, the CCTSC will seek umbrage in a lush lagoon that no battered sailor can refuse.

For $10, you will enjoy all-you-can eat Crynamite Pizza!

Crynamite is a 100% organic, 100% vegan Indian simmer sauce produced by dfcurry.com.

Restaurateur Curtis obviously makes the finest pizzas in the world, and will deftly employ his magic to produce:

1 - Meatball Crynamite Pizzas

2 - Chicken Crynamite Pizzas

3 - Mozzarella Crynamite Pizzas

4 - Vegan Crynamite Pizzas

My dear Minions, let not your life pass without Fireside Crynamite Night!

march 4th, 2017

loving saffron custard

Natalie Chesis:

This saffron custard is amazing! I recommend eating it with a tiny spoon in order to savor it. Thanks Arif! 😁

march 5th, 2017

babies and curry!

Cayla Miller:

Baby's first curry! He loved it!

march 4th, 2017

the power of badam butterfly

Check out the "badam butterfly": newest addition to dfcurry.com:

The "badam butterfly", a 100% organic, 100% vegan, 100% delicious nut-based energy drink.

These days most drinks are all chemicals, zero nutrition. I wanted to create something very nutritious and delicious with zero chemicals. Badam Butterfly is made from the finest ingredients on earth, period.

The badam butterfly has organic pistachios, almonds, cashews, walnuts, coconut, flax seed, clove, cardamom, cane sugar and other super duper secret spices.

The serving size a whopping 600 ml, about two portions! (Only one if you ride an elephant to work, because that's tiring.)

"badam" is a hindi/urdu word for "almond" or "nut" in general. badam-based drinks are special drinks for special events: a family gathering, a holiday, a post-fast treat, a wedding, etc. Also Bollywood actors totally love badam-based drinks to build muscle. It's actually the best energy drink you can drink.

march 4th, 2017

clean plates, clean hearts!

Ingalil Vickerman - People with clean plates have clean hearts. Keep up the great spirits and relentless pursuit of World Domination.

Your fearless curry captain, Arif Shaikh

march 3rd, 2017

romance, humor and badam butterfly

Dear Erin Jackson,

Some good news: Danielle Johnson wants to marry me. We were in a parking lot overlooking Rockland Harbor at the Good Tern. The sun was sojourning, slowly cementing the end of a cold, crisp day.

Upon first glance, our eyes made unrequited, passionate love to one another. The bold sounds of sitar and tabla danced with warms wafts of cardamon and clove like helpless ice cubes in mango lassi.

Danielle Johnson wanted the Badam Butterfly like a baby wanted a pacifier. Like a doting polar bear mama, I could not resist the call of this most beautiful cub on such a bitterly cold day.

Within seconds, the "Badam Butterfly" showed its true colors: Danielle was lovestruck, helpless and wanting more.

Her large cavernous blue eyes were nothing short an ocean-filled meteor crater - deep, blue, and relentless.

Who knew the power of Badam Butterfly?

dfcurry.com

february 28th, 2017

chai and world domination

Dear Minions,

Many of you have privately asked me some rather flattering questions:

1 - How can you have the intelligence of an arctic fox and yet have the strength of a bull?

2 - How can you be as ferocious as a mountain lion yet be as cuddly as a house cat?

I'm afraid that I'm just a byproduct of a universal aether called "chai". Just two cups of chai per day will give you unimaginable powers.

Every morning I have a ginger chai, and every afternoon I have a cardamom chai.

I can no longer keep these magical secrets to myself. If you'd like either of my personal chai mixes, please message me.

You simply need to add a milk base (dairy or nut-based) and water, boil and voila!

Trudy Hawk was the first human being to take my chai mix home with her. Her life has not been the same. Ask Trudy Hawk

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

february 27th, 2017

the saffron challenge part III

Dear Friends,

While we did not reach the 2,000 members as I had hoped for, I am floored by the level of excitement. To deny such a celebration would leave an indelible scar on the tender souls of CCTSC.

There are 32 registrants. For these registrants:

(1) I will bring Cardamom Kangaroo or “CK” custards. If you need clarity on “CK”, kindly refer to dfcurry.com

(2) I will make Saffron Chai on the spot with a gas burner that I will bring.

(3) I will bring disposable utensils.

Please pay attention to these rules of engagement.

(1) Remember to “curry” yourself with great honor at all times.

(2) Avoid words like “good” or “bad”. Rather use words like “resplendent” or “undignified”.

(3) Absolutely no alcohol, smoking or drugs anywhere near our gathering. Chai is a far more potent intoxicant. It’s also better for you.

(4) Limit any loud voices to “oohs” and “aahs”.

(5) You must slurp your chai as obnoxiously as possible. Slurping is great tradition of the East. It cools your chai, and more importantly your taste buds will be like little surfer dudes riding the tsunami of chai waves coming into your food trap.

The CCTSC Board of Directors kindly welcomes you to our annual shareholders meeting with great satisfaction.

The Chairman and CEO of the Fearless Society of Curry Leaders of the Free World,

Arif

february 26nd, 2017

launched crynamite and dfcurry.com

Midnight Crynamite! The world's best tikka masala: use with meatballs, tofu, veggies, paneers, grilled cheese sandwich, pizza - whatever you want! 100% organic, 100% delicious, 100% vegan... (I can't believe it's vegan myself!)

dfcurry.com

february 25nd, 2017

reason to live

Ann Cambell:

Arif I just have to thank you again for your amazing desserts. Not to bring a downer note to our amazing club but as some of you know I'm fighting (and beating!) cancer but the weeks I have chemo everything tastes off or unappealing.

The only thing I've wanted is the glorious custards you made me. I had some heated up this morning too it was just lovely warm.

Thank you again I'll be in touch soon!

february 25nd, 2017

still making deliveries at camden post office

Just letting everyone know: there is a top secret gathering outside the Camden Post Office at 8:45 am Saturday morning (today) for anyone who likes chicken curry, lamb curry, and custards...

february 25nd, 2017

sublime! craazaay!

Heather Moran:

Sublime. Transcendent. A thousand thank you's to Arif Shaikh. That's some DFC indeed 💜

february 23nd, 2017

the good tern!

I've eaten organic Indian food in two places: (1) India and (2) The Good Tern!

Elissa Bower - you are awesome!

february 22nd, 2017

curry and being wet? can't make shit up

Arif Shaikh, your curry makes not just my mouth wet, if you know what I mean 😉

february 22nd, 2017

saffron chai

I had a cup of Saffron Chai this afternoon, and suddenly I'm able to lift small cars with my bare hands, girls laugh at all my jokes (even ones that I haven't told yet), and I can sing reggae music better than Bob Marley. WTF?

february 22nd, 2017

CCTSC attains celestial sainthood

Dear Respected Members of the CCTSC,

Many of you are wondering what is going to happen on the night of February 27th at our first gathering.

Let me tell you in no uncertain terms:

I will invite you into my luxurious harem of the night sky. The genderless stars will squeeze their bosoms against your faces until you pass out from sheer delight.

Upon arising from your slumber, you'll realize that you are nothing more than a capybara in sea of celestial crocodiles.

The dark and glorious forces of Saffron will endlessly thrust you in and out of the dark sea of reality, until the light of truth finally escapes the black hole of injustice. Kind of like Shawshank Redemption, but more glorious.

Then you can go back to work tomorrow, and tell everyone you had Saffron chai from the Camden Curry King himself.

Your fearless leader,

Arif Shaikh

february 20th, 2017

growing the CCTSC

Dear Friends,

We're one week away from the Saffron chai party!

And in just a few days we went from nothing to 1,110 members!

If everyone just invites 1 friend, we'll reach 2,000!

Please don't let your fearless leader down. I've ordered copious amounts of Persian Saffron!

The judge, the jury, and the executioner,

Arif Shaikh

february 20th, 2017

a glowing lighthouse of chicken tikka masala

Dear Bootlickers,

It's 2:00am, and I am up, deeply troubled and disheartened.

I am but a glowing lighthouse in a dark and tumultuous sea that you refer to as 'cooking'.

It pains me that humankind is throwing out skin and bones, dismissing them like earwax, clipped toe nails, and refugees.

The difference between Princess Lea and Jaba the Hut is skin and bones. Dare you insert your tongue in the lesser of these two divine creations?

One (of the many) things I will make this week is dairy-free, bone-in, skin-on Chicken Tikka Masala.

Trust me, you will want desperately to kiss Princess Lea after you've been smooching Jaba the Hut your whole life.

You shall eat as I shall eat. You shall eat as legends have eaten.

Fearless Eater,

Arif Shaikh

february 18th, 2017

customers can't keep secrets

Licia Morelli:

Last night I sat in a restaurant here in Camden, locals milling about paying no mind to the hushed conversations that took place on the couch in the lounge. It's black velvet soundproofing the whispers that were urgent in our quiet tones. The candlelight at our coffeetable flickered with the breeze of the outside cold and we would look up in concern as new patrons would make their way in - unsure if they, too, would steal the secrets we were sharing.

It was there where I heard the first of the rumblings about your curry, Arif Shaikh. Like an underground railroad straight to lands far from here - people whispered the magic of your delights.

I can only imagine (with the alchemy ability of your mathematics background) that the flavors and spices mix in ways we've not been able to access before in the hinterlands of Maine.

Jessica Leonard Chester did not give me the secret password to join the ranks of curry endeavors but here I am waving the golden ticket hoping for access to dfcurry.com.

Please and thank you.

Licia Morelli

february 18th, 2017

customer intrigue

Dear Casey Heard Leonard,

I fear such intrigue can not easily be contained. Jim and Misty are mighty fine stalwarts of justice whose sonorous voices enrages pleasant-tweeting forest Cockatoos and Magpies with utter jealousy. I dare not disrupt the natural order, so I hereby grant you anything you'd like. Currently we have a wide selection of vegan, organic custards. Curries next week.

red rose robin: rose, fig, cashew, chia seed, flax seed, coconut, FTSS

orange blossom orangutan: orange blossom, apricot, almond, chia seed, flax seed, coconut, FTSS

cardamom kangaroo: cardamon, clove, cashew, chia seed, flax seed, coconut, FTSS

FTSS - Freaking Top Secret Spices

february 18th, 2017

craazaay!

Liz Smith:

Dearest Arif, king of the Curry Dominion, leader of the curry revolution, creator of damn fine curry, bestower of saffron honors, and friend of fearless eaters... Your secret curry is magnificent - I do believe I will have chickpea dreams filled with magical cardamom this evening! Ps. I would like to pre-order 1,000,000 jars of your next batch of crynamite tikka.

february 17th, 2017

respecting the secrecy of CCTSC

Liz Smith:

wins an award for most secretive keeper of the worst secret in Maine. I just want everyone to immediately destroy this message upon view. Leave no trace. Toss your laptop or iPhone out if you have to.

february 17th, 2017

the saffron challenge part II

Dearest Underlings,

This your supreme commander. You may be a mason jar, but I am your lid. Full of odor, but necessary for your integrity.

Good news: The Saffron Challenge is working! I've already ordered enough Persian Saffron to dye the bay at Camden Harbor.

You will be mercilessly imprisoned by the wafts of cardamon and saffron, nuts and spices. Can you withstand the handcuffs of utter ecstasy and sheer delight?

Welcome to the glorious underworld of deep magic and mystery.

february 15th, 2017

the saffron challenge

Dearest Subjects,

This is your imperial ruler. In land of hummingbirds and bumble bees, I am nothing short of a pterodactyl.

I see above the aromatic plumes of volcanic red chili and masala lavas, and I'm going to shatter world records with "The Saffron Challenge"

Purpose: Complete World Domination, no exception

How: Invite at least 5 of your Facebook to The Camden Curry (Top Secret) Club

Why: Because we're cool!

Background: We have 543 member in our group. If we reach 2,000 members by February 27, I will have a Saffron Chai Party. If not, I'll banish you the galaxy above.

february 16th, 2017

camden curry (top secret) club expands

I'm 50% Homer Simpson, 50% Mr. Smithers.

I've seen with extraordinary delight the tentacles of Curry Domination grab the tendrils of the Universe.

We still have a lot work to do, but in the meantime, the Medal of Curry recipients for inviting others are:

Rai Bernheim

Laura Susan Hopkins

Jenn Messier

Laura Buxbaum

Michelle Abbotoni

Shizuka Fukuda

Katie Haugen Schoettle

Laird Kopp

Ingalil Vickerman

Ella Fishman

Sophie Love-Webb

Christina Phaup

Arista Holden

Liz Smith

Wendie Demuth

Carol Miller

Cayla Miller

Sarah Hewitt

Shelly Colantonio

Tanya Harsch

Katherine Davis

february 11th, 2017

customers still going crazay

Rai Bernheim:

if you are in this group, and you are not a vegan, and you have not tried Arif's lamb curry; you are really robbing yourself in a most egregious and shameful way. js.

february 10th, 2017

the start of world domination

Leaders of the free world,

Those who can cook might be "chefs". But to those who are "chefs", I am but a "hypnotist".

I extract an unrepentant sorrow from the hearts of baby carrots, garlic, and onions about to give their lives for curry.

My aromatic spells squeeze the hearts of mortals and scare the ghouls of despair.

Yes, the time has come to enjoy the 100% dairy-free, soy-free lamb curry.

Ingredients include pasture-raised New Zealand lamb, local Maine potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic, winter squash, tomatoes, and jalapeno peppers. And of course TOP SECRET spices.

Your fearless eater and summoner of spices,

Arif Shaikh

february 9th, 2017

customers going crazay!

Michelle Abbotini:

Let me start by saying that last night my family sampled the chicken tikka masala, the jalapeño garlic raita, paolo, and two types of custard. I am the only one in my family who has ever eaten Indian food, so I knew I was taking a risk. Upon purchase I was told that feedback is welcome, so here goes. I have a complaint. 😡 The complaint is that it was TOO good. My family loved it. It started when I was warming up our meal. The aromas coming from the kitchen brought 2 dogs, the boy, the man, and EVEN the teenager came up the stairs to investigate. As I plated the meal and they started to eat, you can imagine my disappointment when everyone literally licked their plates clean and asked for seconds. I had purchased 5 portions (which are very large by the way) for my family of four thinking I would have a secret stash for today. Nope. Nothing left. Not only that, but now they are asking for curry at least once a week!!! Why oh why must your food be so amazingly good?!?

february 8th, 2017

customers going crazay part I!

Laura Hopkins:

Holy custard! I just went for a bite of your custard before I put it in the fridge and almost ate half of it and basically had to wrestle it out of my own hands! It was great to meet you today! Thanks for the grub! I'm psyched for dinner tonight!

february 7th, 2017

facebook polao

I wish Mark Zuckerberg could enable you to smell my polao over Facebook. It's like eating perfume from the earth - no filters, additives, or chemicals.

When you eat this, it's like taking a stroll down the streets Hyderabad on a Friday afternoon with a flower in one hand, and a beautiful companion holding the other. The sweetness in your heart constantly rivals the sweetness in the air.

To deny such ecstasy is to reject the impenetrable gaze of the full moon, to damn the sun to life of cold, dark purgatory. Are you so bold?

Unbeknownst to the masses, polao is but an immaculate gem hidden far within the cavity of your hearts. Hard to grasp, but accessible to all.

Join the revolution, your fearless eater!

Arif Shaikh

february 6th, 2017

royal polao

This is absolutely mouth watering polao - a specialty rice with fragrant spices, currants, golden raisins, carrots, cashews, bay leaves, special types of butter and coconut oils.

This rice is usually reserved for royalty - or my friends - that's you!

Savoring each and every drop of rice polao!

This is the food of Mughals and Maharajas!

Please rescue me from myself!

february 5nd, 2017

jalapeno garlic raita

A jalapeno garlic raita (Indian yogurt dish) with European cucumbers, onions, tomato - so tasty and healthy.

february 4nd, 2017

dogs, cats, and tikka masala

Rest assure my dear saplings,

For today if you see dogs and cats humping on the streets, moose and mice kissing in plain sight, don't worry. The world is NOT coming to an end. That's just what happens with Chicken Tikka Masala is prepared in the outdoors. Masala's narcotic aromas seduce even the toughest of life forms.

Your fearless curry champion and mighty leader

february 2nd, 2017

rumblings of curry revolution

Leaders of the Curry Revolution,

While many of my fellow world leaders suckle shamelessly on the cavernous teats of injustice, I stand humbly before you preparing the best damn Chicken Tikka Masala you've ever had in your freaking life.

Allow me to take you on a magic carpet ride from Lucknow, India to London, UK. Feel the soap-bud clouds caress your rose-bud cheeks. Feel the tasty tomatoes tickle your tongue, the mouthwatering masala melt your mouth.

While hoards of hapless minions sniff aimlessly through the halls of despair, luxury will all but smother you in the heights of glory.

My dear friends: CTM (Chicken Tikka Masala) Revolution is here to stay.

Peace, love and spice,

Arif

january 30th, 2017

chicken tikka masala

This Chicken Tikka masala will be made from some of very best vegetables and spices known to human kind.

While many of you know me as a benevolent dictator, I am afraid I'm nothing more than a prison warden.

I shall soon handcuff you and throw in the prison of culinary confinement. You shall simmer in the wafts of arresting aromas while waiting a fate of unquestionable delight.

In the next 48 hours the yogurt and spices will infuse the poultry with unparalleled flavor and unconscionable tenderness.

Fight the good fight, live the good life, dream the good dreams.

Your fearless eater, Arif Shaikh

january 24th, 2017

organic lentil curry

On the roster:

100% Vegan Lentil curry with: Organic roasted cabbage, Organic roasted cauliflower, Organic Carrots, Organic ginger, Organic Carrots , Organic Coconut Oil, PLUS garlic, onions, cumin, turmeric, red pepper, black pepper, sea salt, tomato, TOASTED mustard seeds + PLUS one other TOP SECRET seed that only I know how to use (and one billion other Indian people).

january 23th, 2017

curry trick

Also, one little curry trick: If you ever have curry that's too spicy for you, you can always fold in some plain yogurt and heat it up.. works perfectly to keep the flavor, and dampen the sharpness!

january 19th, 2017

curry & caring

If you anyone who wants food, but can't afford it, let me know.

january 13th, 2017

still meandering

This is your Camden Curry King / Fearless Eater.

I'm taking orders for lamb curry...

Who wants an $6.67 roundtrip ticket: Camden to Calcutta?

You'll get a 1 pint mason jar of goodness... Sold in packages of 6 for $40!

Uniting underground curry lovers to fight against tyranny of all forms in all corners of the universe!

january 7th, 2017

humble beginings

Dear Friends,

as many of you know - I love making, eating, and sharing curry!

Many of you have suggested that I should distribute my home-made curry! So I'm informally launching the "Camden Curry Club"

I'll make and deliver 1-quart Mason jars of goodness in batches of 5 for $8.00 each.

What I can make:

1 - Lamb curry: spices, yogurt, garden vegetables, and lamb.

2 - Chicken curry: spices, yogurt, garden vegetables, and chicken.

3 - Lentil Curry: spices, garden vegetables, and lentils.

4 - Chickpea Curry: spices, garden vegetables, and chickpea.

5 - Basmati Rice: spices, garden vegetables, and rice.

You can reach out to me via FB or email: ...@gmail.com.

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